Elle
by DoubleAgentA
Summary: Pregnant at the age of 12, Bella Swan thought life couldn't get any tougher but when her baby dies at age 4 and the past she's been trying to avoid finally catches up to her, will she crumble under the pressure or come out fighting? All human.
1. Chapter 1

**...Elle...**

**Hi everyone! This is the new story that I am working on! I am so frigging excited. *Jump up and down***

**Hope it better than the first one, swimming in the deep end. I'll try to update for this story as fast as I can. I've gotten the first few chapters written all I need to do now is type them.**

**On with the story...**

I had to take Elle to the clinic today. She caught another bad cold. Whenever she has one of her bad colds she always has a coughing fit. She was starting to get me worried. This is her third cold in 5 months. That's not normal is it? I don't think so, especially when you live in Arizona.

My little girl comes first, that is why I had to miss another day of school. But truth is, I can't afford to miss any more days off school to stay with her. The head teacher is already trying to bite my head off about it.

_**Flashback-**_

_"Sit down Isabella." The head teacher Mrs Masen told me not looking up from her paperwork._

_I sat in the sit fiddling with my hands. I knew what she wants; we've been having this conversation for a while now._

_She cleared her throat and looked at me. "Isabella, tell me why you've miss another week of school?"_

_"Elle got sick again and it freaked me out, so I had to stay home and look after her." I mumbled._

_"Isabella. Let's continue from where we left off, tell me about your family. I don't mean Phil and Renee; I want to know about your daughter, Elle."_

_"Umm..." I said lost for words. Elle is not an easy topic for me, it's brings back unwanted memories. "She's four?" I said but it came out more like a question._

_She smiled a bit, "Yes Isabella, I know but apart from your stepdad and mum's support, what about Elle's father? Is he in her life?"_

_"Why do you need to know?" It came out a bit harsher than I intend but she caught me off guard; never before has she asked about him, so why now? "Sorry miss, but I don't want to talk about him."_

_She sighed but nodded. "I understand."_

_"Isabella, you're sixteen, right?" I nodded. "You have your stepfather and mum in your life so don't just make Elle your problem. Elle isn't going to be a baby forever so what about your future? How are you going to give your daughter a good future if you don't even attend school properly? Isabella, it's alright to rely on people sometimes." She said, crossing her perfectly manicured fingers across her chest._

_"Please promise me that you won't miss too much of school anymore. You're a bright student, teachers say, that's why you've become so popular in my staff room. Please try; if you don't I'm afraid social workers will start looking into things. I don't want it to come to that, okay?"_

_"Yes ma'am." I said politely and left her office._

_**End of flashback-**_

That conversation was just about 2 months ago, the last time Elle was sick. Now I know that when I get back to school, the first place I'm likely to be in is her office.

I dropped Elle of at home; my mom is going to look after her while I go to school. So I did listen to Mrs Masen. The doctor prescribed her a chest medicine, which she has to take twice a day. Her coughing got worse on the way back from the clinic but I tried to ignore it.

I instructed my mom on how to take the medicine.

"Yes Bella, I get it. Just go to school. Geez, you're making it seem like I have never given a baby medicine before. Calm down." She laughed.

I went into Elle's room, where she was coughing vigorously. My heart broke, she looked so frail and extremely pale well paler than usual.

"Don't worry baby, nana will give you for medicine soon, alright?" I said stroking her hair.

She opened her mouth to answer but all that came out was a chesty cough.

"I wanna sleep, mommy." She whined her voice was hoarse from all the coughing.

"I know, but let nana give you your medicine then you can sleep, okay baby?"

"Okay."

"I have to go school now. I love you; I'll see you after school." I said pulling her close to me.

"I love you too mommy." She said quietly.

"Be good for nana." I said sternly. She nodded her head and started coughing again.

School was tough and I found it extremely hard to focus in classes. Elle's cold was getting worse, I could feel it. Something didn't feel right, I should have stayed home to look after her but I couldn't.

Luckily the head teacher hasn't bothered me... yet. I was in Biology, my last lesson of the day, when the inevitable happened.

"Isabella Swan, please make your way to the head teacher's office." Miss Cope, the assistant said when she came into the lesson.

I gathered my stuff and I could everyone's eyes on me as I walked out the class.

I walked behind Miss Cope with my head bowed down. I went into Mrs Masen's office thinking that I knew why she called me in but as soon as she looked at me, I knew something was wrong. Her expression was weird, different. Her eyes gave her away; they were too calm, yet filled with sympathy. It didn't make sense. She was covering something. I started to freak, something bad has happened. Am I getting expelled?

"What's going on?" My voice cracked.

Then she crumbled like a pile of cards.

"Bella, I am so, so sorry." She said in an anguished voice. She got up from her leather seat and came to stand in from of me where I was paralysed by fear. "Bella, God... umm... your daughter... she..." I barely got the rest. The minute the words daughter left her lips, I was somewhere else. I heard her talking but it sounded like she was talking from the bottom of a well. I could hardly make out the words- "your daughter, stopped breathing, Renee your mother, ambulance, you mother wants you home now."

I heard a piercing scream. With a shock, I realised it was me.

**So, what do you think?**

**Review please if you like, thank you.**


	2. Chapter 2

**...Elle...**

4 years. 4 years was all I got to spend with her. My baby, the baby I spent 26 agonizing hours in labour for.

Yesterday was a blur. All I can remember is going home and finding her lying lifelessly on her bed. I threw myself on her and I screamed and cried, begging for her to wake up. I yelled at anyone who tried to pull her away from me. I don't remember how long I sat holding her limp body close to mine but then a burly guy from the ambulance gently lifted her from my arms and I didn't even have enough energy to fight him off as I watched him place her into a black body bag and take her away from me forever.

"Baby, I am so sorry." My mother cried as the man left with my baby. "She said she wanted to sleep so I let her. This is all my fault."

No, it isn't your fault, I wanted to say but I just didn't have the strength to do so. My daughter has left me forever.

* * *

"Bella honey, you need to come out. The coroner is here." My mother's gently voice came from the door.

I didn't want to do this but I did want to find out why my daughter suddenly died.

I got up, wiped my eyes and opened the door.

My mom instantly pulled me close to her and cried, "Oh Bella, honey."

I pushed her off, not ready to accept her pity and went into the sitting room where Phil her husband was talking to the coroner.

The coroner shuffled uncomfortably in his chair and started to speak. "Miss Swan, your daughter had a heart condition that apparently was never detected." He said reading from a folder. "She was born with a heart malfunction that sometimes caused her heart to beat irregularly."

"What... what do you mean?" I asked.

"Well at times her heart might beat faster than it should, well after than a normal heart beat. Coughing is one of her symptom and we believe that her medicine reacted with her heart condition. Her heart started beating very slowly until it finally stopped. She wouldn't have been in a lot of pain so I think for her it was like going to sleep."

"So are you saying that if she didn't take the medicine then she'll still be...be alive?" My voice cracked and it hurt thinking that something that was meant to help her is the cause of what killed her.

"We believe so Miss Swan but we are also sure if the medicine didn't cause it yesterday something else might have later on in her life."

"So what you're saying is that she would have eventually died." There no point beating around the bush.

"If her condition was never detected, then yes. When your mother finally saw her it was too late. We told the police that no one was at fault." He concluded. The room was silent apart from the small sniffs coming from my mother.

"Thank you." Phil said getting up to shake his hand.

"No one was at fault?" I asked giving a short humourless laugh. "You've just told me that my daughter had been living with a heart problem for 4 years and never once did I even notice it. Hell, doctors never noticed it, and you're here telling me that no one was a fault. That's bullshit and you know it." I said, fresh tears falling from my eyes.

"Bella..." Renee started to say.

"Miss Swan, you cannot blame yourself, she didn't give any signs of having a heart problem, and to any one she was just a normal child." he said, trying to reassure me.

"I'm her mother!" I screamed at him. "Doctors should have known, isn't that what they go to medical school for?"

"Please miss, calm down, there's no history of heart problem in your side of the family. You can't look for something that you don't even know is there. Her heart problem may have come from her father's side." He said.

"Her father?" I said in a small voice.

"Yes, Miss Swan."

"Oh."

I felt myself get up and walk out the room; I couldn't take it anymore.

Her father. Her father doesn't even know he's a father. I didn't tell him. But now I wish I did. I might have been able to save my baby. My mind was reeling with too many what ifs. What if this, what if that, I just can't take it anymore. I screamed into my pillow and I cried myself to sleep again. My body felt weak and exhausted yet I couldn't seem to stop crying.

The next day, mom and Phil had started talking about funeral arrangements. It didn't feel right knowing that my daughter with put inside a box and buried under six feet under the ground. She's gone: she lived in my stomach for nine months and now suddenly she's gone.

Renee and Phil however kept it low file, they haven't yet informed me of their plan but since their room is right next door to mine, I could hear Renee speaking on the phone to the funeral home.

I didn't disturb them and they didn't disturb me. But later that day, Renee finally came into my room. She quietly sat on my bed and I could feel her hands softly weaving through my hair, something I used to enjoy when I was younger.

"Baby, I talked the umm...funeral home so we can get her buried. The coroner said they have no reason to keep her body with them anymore, so we'll go tomorrow to pick out everything so we can give her a good send off." She said.

I lifted my head and wiped my nose with the back of my hand.

"You know, I'm still waiting for someone to pop out and shout 'gotcha', to tell me that this is just a joke, tell me that my bay is still alive, that it just a joke, a really dumb joke. A really stupid joke but..." I trailed off unable to finish my sentence.

"Honey, I know. I understand what you mean sweetheart." She pulled my head to her chest and rocked me as I cried.

"Mom?" I called.

"Yes, honey."

"What did it have to be my baby? Why did this happen to me, to Elle?" I sobbed.

"Oh baby." She sighed. "It didn't have to happen, honey, it just did; now all we can do for her is give a great funeral, show her that we care about her." Her voice cracked and I was sure that she was on the edge of breaking down.

"I don't want to bury her, mommy." I mumbled into her chest.

"Me neither honey but we have to. I call your father and tell him to come here."

"I just want Elle back mom, but she's not coming back is she?" I cried. Saying that made me feel like I betrayed her, I'm not meant to give up hope, I am meant to be praying that by some weird miracle she might wake up but here I am saying that she isn't going to wake up.

We sat quietly; Renee continued to rock me as the tears kept falling.

"Remember the first time you tried to change her diaper by yourself?" She suddenly spoke then started laughing. "Then she peed on your shirt, your face was so funny."

I cracked a tiny smile.

Then we became quite again.

"How did you feel when Dad told you I was pregnant?" I asked.

"Believe it or not, I was ballistic and Charlie was actually the calm one. He cried to me on the phone about how he let you down and how much of a bad father he is."

"But he's not a bad father mom, I love him. I'm the one that let him down, let everyone down." I said feeling very ashamed.

"It's not just your fault. The boy was old enough to tell that what you both were doing was wrong." Renee almost started shouting. The fact that after all these years she still didn't know who Elle's father is bothers her.

"He didn't force me mom."

"I know, I know. I just wish I knew who he is or anything about him." She sighed.

"He's eighteen now." I said before I could stop myself.

"Really?"

"Yeah mom, he was fourteen when we did it." Memories of that day started flooding my head but I pushed it away. "It was really uncomfortable and it hurt so badly and every time he asked me if I was alright I just said yeah. I lied; I guess I just wanted him to like me."

"Honey...' my mom soothed. "We don't have to talk about it."

"But I don't regret having Elle. I love her so much mom." I started crying again.

"Mom, it doesn't feel right. I don't want to bury her here." I mumbled.

"What do you mean?" I'm pretty such she knows what I mean.

"I wanna give her a good send off like you said. I want to bury her in Forks mom."

"No, Bella. People will ask questions. Questions which you won't be able to answer please honey, don't go back there." Her voice was once again thick with tears.

"Forks, she's going to be buried there. I want her buried in Forks."

* * *

**Hello!**

**Hi!**

**So what do you think? This chapter was extended just a bit because what I originally wrote in my book was too short so I just had to add some bits so it could be longer but at the same time give info.**

**NOTHING BAD REALLY HAPPEND IN FORKS, IT'S JUST WHERE BELLA GREW UP SO YEAH! :)**

**Now sorry if some of my facts are wrong, I just made them up. Do you think you know who the father is? Don't say yet, just keep it to yourself.**

**Please review and thanks to people who have reviewed for the first chapter! I liked your reviews. Sorry for mistake you may find, I was too lazy to read over.**

**Bye, until next time!**


	3. Chapter 3

**...Elle...**

"Bella, please I don't want you to go back there, please." She begged.

"This isn't about me. She' my little girl and I want her buried in Forks."' I argued getting annoyed by the fact that she wasn't grasping my point.

She looked at me and her eyes were filled with so much sadness it hurt to look at her.

"Honey, don't..." she begged.

"Mum please. I really don't want to fight you about this." I cried. "I just want what's best for her, alive or..." I sucked in a ragged breath but I still couldn't get the word out. "Please mum."

"Fine, I'll go call Charlie then book all our tickets and when we get there we'll sort everything out."

I know what I'm doing is going to hurt a lot of people, me especially, but this is what I wanted for my daughter. Mothers always put their children first, no matter how much it will hurt them, all that matters is the child. I have always obliged by that rule, she always had the latest pair of shoes, I always bought her the fanciest baby soap, I gave her baths every morning and night, no matter if she looks dirty or not. I always gave her the best, why should I stop now?

But I'm not saying it's was easy, it was difficult to give everything to a child that I loved with all my heart but never wanted in the first place.

Elle was my reason for getting up in the morning. She was my little ray of sunshine but she was still a mistake, a little experiment between me and the guy.

The first few days when I found out that I was pregnant were the hardest. I was only 12; there was no one to talk to. Charlie my father wouldn't have understood. Renee was all the way in Phoenix with her new husband. I was lost; I didn't know what to do. I was going to have a baby when I was nothing but a baby myself.

Charlie wasn't dense like I hoped he would have been in that situation. With my constant vomiting, drowsiness, wearing large t-shirts, Charlie noticed what was wrong. I didn't even try to deny it when he confronted me. I felt such relief knowing that I didn't have to lie and pretend anymore.

He called my mom, who decided that coming to live with her was the best solution; it got rid of prying eyes. Charlie was disappointed with me, what father will still like to have someone like me as a daughter after getting pregnant at the age of 12?

After that our relationship became weak. We drifted apart after I came to live in Phoenix. It was hard leaving everything I grew up knowing, lying to my friends but it had to be done. Now I'm going back to where it all started.

* * *

"Welcome to Forks, Bells." Charlie said as he retrieved my luggage from the boot of the car.

Everything still looked the same in the small town: dark and bleak, exactly the same way I felt on the inside.

I followed him into the house that brought back memories; memories about a life I once had but had to give up in order to give my child a better life.

Nothing much has changed. The only difference was in the living room, everything was pretty much the same as it was 4 years ago except for the flat screen T.V that had replaced the old T.V.

Renee, Phil and Charlie followed in after me. I felt someone standing behind me and I turned to see Charlie smiling at me. He placed his hands on my shoulders and started at me.

I didn't see disappointment on his face like I was expected, his face barely showed any emotion.

"So do you want pizza?" he asked.

Pizza? My daughter is dead, never coming back and he hasn't even asked me how I'm coping. He doesn't understand that ache in my chest, the pain that I have to wake up to knowing that a very important part of my life is gone. I pray every morning before opening my eyes that Elle will be laying next to me and the past few days will have been a horrible nightmare. He doesn't get it. All I can do is learn to live around the pain that will forever grip my heart. This is not a kind of pain that I will wish on my worst enemy. No one deserves this amount of pain, it's always going to be there because no matter how much you try to move on something is always going to trigger that spot and remind you of what you've lost.

"You are unbelievable." I heard Phil mutter to Charlie as I stomped up the stairs and into my old bedroom. Everything is still the same, nothing had changed or been moved.

I flopped on the bed and released the tears that had been threatening to fall out all day. It seems nowadays all I have energy for is crying and no matter how much tears I cry it's still not enough because my little angel is gone. The pain is still there because she's not coming back. No pulling or tugging is ever going to get rid of it because once it's there it's there to stay.

"_Come on Bella, one more push." The doctor encouraged._

"_I can't do it." I cried._

"_Yes you can! Once more."_

_With all my might, I pushed and out came my little angel Elle. She was dried and weighed then handed over to me. I was tried but once I had her in my arms the tiredness evaporated. She looked so tiny, her skin was red and blotchy but she still looked beautiful. With my middle finger and index finger I traced her eyes, nose and mouth all her features marvelling about the tiny beautiful creature that I have created._

"_Bella, she is beautiful." Renee said beside me._

"_I know she is. She's not going to regret having me for a mother. I promise." I smiled as I watched her sleeping form._

I woke up from my dream. Remember her, the day she was born brought back more tears.

"_She's not going to regret having me for a mother. I promise."_

I let her down. I failed and I didn't keep my promise.

She'll never grow older; experience all the things she was meant to experience.

She'll never freak over her first zit, throw a teenage tantrum, have her first crush, her first boyfriend all because of a stupid heart problem and the fact that she had someone as dense as me for a mom.

The house was quietly but once in a while I hear muttering coming from the living room which was directly below my room. I got up from my bed, and softly walked down the creaky stairs knowing full well that if I made my appearance known the conversation will be stopped. Nowadays, it seems like they everyone have been walking on eggshells around me and there are things that I will like to know but I'm been denied off.

"...more sensitive Charlie. She's going through a lot more then children her age." I heard Renee whisper.

"Yes I know but I just panicked. You didn't see the look in her eyes. I didn't know what to say." Charlie said pain evident in his voice. "I never know what to say around her anymore. I feel like I lost my daughter."

"Oh Charlie." Renee soothed.

I walked closer to the living room to get a better view. Charlie sat slumped in his favourite recliner. His shoulders were hunched and he looked defeated.

Renee sat on the edge of the recliner rubbing circles on Charlie's back.

Phil sat facing the two of them, empathy written on his face. I watched as they sat in silence, the only sound I could hear were sniffs coming from my father.

"Well, I'm sure that we are all on the same page so I think that it will be easier to arrange Elle funeral without having to upset Bella further than she already is." Phil said.

"What if she does want to be involved? It's her daughter she knows her best. This should be her choice." Charlie said, his voice sounded stronger, held more authority.

"I think Charlie is right, decisions should be up to Bella. If she says she doesn't want to plan it, then we'll do it. I spoke with her and I think this will help she still needs to grasp that Elle isn't coming back." Renee concluded, nodding her head. "God, I can't believe that we are really doing this. Seems like yesterday she was born, Bella was so happy. Ready to raise her daughter." Her voice began to break and then her shoulders began to rock.

Realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I know she's gone, I've said it so many times but hearing someone else say it brought it made it seem more real.

My little angel is gone. A single tear rolled down my cheek. Hear and seeing enough, I walked back up the stairs, fresh tears blearing my vision.

* * *

**Hi!**

**So, I made a poll about who you think Elle's father is, I wanna see who you think the mystery guy is, so please vote.**

**Do you like this chapter? I don't really like it, it doesn't make sense but oh well.**

**In the next chapter Bella is going to do something very stupid so if you'll like to find out stick around for the next chapter!**

**I am so happy right now for two reasons. One...I'm not going to say. LOL. Two...my IPod is working again! Yeah. That's why I decided to update early.**

**Sorry for mistakes you may find. Please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**...Elle...**

"So miss, you want the soft white?" The funeral arranger asked as we finalised the details for my baby's box.

I nodded.

"Okay, now that we have the box picked out we need a headstone. I have a catalogue, here you go. When you see one that you like please let me know." He smiled gently.

With shaky hands, I took the catalogue and started going though then with Renee.

After a few minutes, Renee asked, "How about this one?"

"No." I simply said without even glancing at the one she picked because I had found one that I was looking for.

"This one," I pointed. The man raised his brow when he saw my choice.

"Interesting." He murmured. "Popular but only a few can afford it. Miss Swan, are you sure you want to go with this one or do you want to look at something a little...umm less pricey?"

"I'm not blind you know!" I snapped, although I don't know why. I guess I needed someone to vent on and he was the perfect candidate. "I did check the price." Lie. "I want this one so I don't need you yapping in my ears acting like you care when all that's going through your brain is how much money you'll make."

"Isabella, calm down." My mother scowled, griping my hand.

I took a deep breath and calmed down a bit.

"Alright," the man said, fixing the non existing wrinkles from his tie. "That's your choice, Miss. Sorry for upsetting you. Message, next. We have options for you but if you have something of your own let us know."

"I have something." Since the day that I found out that Charlie and Renee were going to let me sort out Elle funeral, I have been working hard on trying to pick out the right message that represents her best.

For the next hour, Renee, me and the funeral arranger planned the service, her flowers, the limo, and the total cost.

On her gravestone, she will have the message:

_In loving memory of Elle Brigitte Swan._

_Goodbye to a wonderful daughter and granddaughter._

_She lived a short but wonderful life, and was loved by all who knew her._

_Elle you will always be in our hearts and you will never be forgotten._

_Born January 3__rd__ 2006 – March 18__th__ 2010._

_Perfect Elle._

She was the perfect child, no lies there. Everyone who knew her knows that's true, now people who didn't get the chance to experience it, will read it and know.

The funeral is next Sunday, five days from now. I picked out the closest day possible. All I wanted was for this to be over quickly so I can crawl back in my bed and cry myself to sleep.

Forks is a really tiny town, so news travel around pretty fast. Everyone knows we're here and the news about Elle's funeral somehow got out. What they didn't known is that Elle is my daughter, since I arrived with Renee and Phil people automatically assumed that she was Renee's child.

We had flowers sent to Charlie's house all addressed to Phil and Renee, because let's face it, who would even think that Elle belonged to me. No one would believe that Isabella Swan got pregnant at 12.

It hurts so much knowing that people got it wrong. _Elle is mine_, I feel like shouting. _I'm not her sister, I'm her mother._

The days flew by and I got exactly what I wanted: to be left alone so I could cry. Her death was supposed to get easier for me, like people say but as the days went by it got harder. Not hearing her laughter, her sweet voice, not being about to hold her, touch her brought fresh pain and reopened the scars that were closing.

I don't get out of bed unless I need the toilet. I just stay in bed and let the pain eat me away.

At around eight in the night, I heard a knock. I didn't answer, knowing that's she going to come in anyway.

My mother with her feeble attempts to get me out of bed and talking.

"Honey, you need to stop this. It's not healthy. We're considering getting you a therapist, baby." Well this is different; she didn't try her usual approach by asking how I am and if I was hungry and all the usual shit.

"I know you're grieving, we all are. I know it hurts but shutting yourself down and staying in this room is not going to help. You need to start living again."

_She's not even been dead for two weeks and you want me to start 'living' again? _

She stayed quiet, maybe expecting me to reply but I didn't give any indication that I was even listening.

She might as well been talking to a statute for all the difference it made.

"Okay Bella, you're not ready to talk. I understand but tomorrow is the day of her funeral_." How could I forget, it's all I have been thinking about._ "I picked out your outfit, please just be ready and have your speech ready as well. The service starts at ten." Why the hell is she treating me like a baby, I know what time it starts and I am pretty sure that I can pick my own clothes.

I heard her footsteps as she headed to the door.

"Mum," I cracked out. It felt strange having not talked for a few days.

I didn't get a reply when I called but I did hear her take a ragged breath. She must be shocked not that I blame her. I haven't spoken to anyone since the day we returned from the funeral home.

"Honey?" She called hesitantly.

"Yes mom." I whispered.

I heard her walk back and I felt the bed sink a little when she sat.

"I love her you know?" I whisper as tears began to fall.

"Oh honey I know." She started stroking my hair.

"Do you think she knows that?' I croaked softly.

"Love, don't ever doubt her love for you. You were her world." She soothed.

"So even if I do something stupid she won't be upset?"

"What do you mean, baby?"

"Nothing, nothing I mean nothing." I whispered but loud enough for her to hear. "So nothing is going to change her love for me, right?'

"Love, nothing will change the way she feels for you." She leaned forward and kissed my wet cheek.

Her words did nothing to ease the guilt I was feeling, Guilt knowing that I'm going to abandon my baby when she needs me. What a good mother I am.

I hope she can forgive me and understand why I can't do it. I hope she understand how painful it is for me to make this decision.

Tears racked through my body and once again I cried my exhausted body to a dreamless sleep.

* * *

**Hello!**

**So...what do you think Bella is going to do? I'll like to know what you guys think. The person who manages to figure it out or get kinda close to it will get a preview of the next chapter.**

**Sorry for the short chapter, when I write it in my book it is awfully long but when it's on the computer it becomes short. Oh well.**

**Please forgive me for any mistakes that you may encounter, please review and do the poll if you haven't already done it and thanks to everyone that has done it!**


	5. Chapter 5

**...Elle...**

The next morning, I was woken up by my alarm at exactly six thirty. My body felt weak and I had a killer headache but that wasn't going to stop me.

I crept into the bathroom, brushed my teeth and splashed my face with water. I couldn't risk taking a shower although it's what I wanted more than anything; to get rid of all the knots in my muscles, but I couldn't. As I was about to go, I caught a quick glance at my reflection. I looked like crap, a look that I have been achieving for the past few days; red eyes, huge bags underneath, red runny nose, extremely pale skin and fizzy hair sticking in all different direction. But appearance is the least of my problem right now.

I silently made my way back into my room, shut the door and changed my clothes, then brushed my hair and opened my window.

_It's not that far down, I should make it down without any scratches or bruises_, I thought.

_Here I go. _

I got one leg out the window then I realised it was a bit higher than I anticipated. Nevertheless, I took I moved my other leg so I was now sitting on the edge of the window, looking down at the platform.

_How do I get down? The tree is too far and if I do jump for it, I might end up with branches sticking in my eyes and hands._

So I jumped without a second thought.

There was a loud thud when my body connected with the ground. Pain rocketed from my legs then travelled to the rest of my body.

I groaned.

_That really hurt._

That's the price I have to pay for skipping my daughter's funeral.

After a couple of minutes wasted by me lying on the ground, I painfully got up and started walking well, limping away from Charlie's house.

I got a couple blocks forward before I realised that I had nowhere to go. All I thought about was not going to the funeral but never how I was going to occupy myself of the long day ahead.

I decided to pay a visit to the small restaurant, where Charlie and I used to eat and just have fun before I got pregnant. It wasn't that far so it didn't take long before I got there. Like everything else in Forks, it was still pretty much the same just a little bit shabby. It could surely do with makeover.

I walked to the door and lucky it was open, I really didn't expect the restaurant to be open so early in the morning, but nonetheless I was glad.

I entered and the few people in there stopped their conversations and immediately pity filled their eyes.

I sighed and rolled my eyes as I made my way to one of the empty table by the window.

"Bella, is that you?" A soft voice with a hint of southern accent called.

I looked up and there stood Elina, the restaurant owner.

I managed a small smile despite of mood.

"Hey Elina." I whispered.

"God you've grown up. You look so beautiful, baby. How are you?" She smiled.

"Fine." I answered automatically then I thought about it. I wasn't fine, nowhere near fine. "I am miserable." I sighed.

She sighed also and took sat down on the space next to me.

"How's Renee coping?"

Oh yeah, she doesn't know Elle's my daughter.

"Fine." I said curtly, anger immediately boiling inside me.

"Honey, I am so sorry. If there is anything I can do, just let me know." She said softly but that only angered me more. I don't need pity. Pity, pity and more pity. Everywhere I turn all I see is pity.

I just nodded, fisting my hands inside my hoddie pockets. She frowned when she noticed the shift in my mood.

An awful tension filled the air around us.

"So Bells, what are you doing here so early?" She said in an attempt to lessen the tension.

"I needed to think." _More like hide._

She didn't push it. "Okay, darling, I understand. I'll bring you somethin' to eat, on the house." She smiled lightly then got up.

"Thanks Elina." I said when she left.

She brought me a plate of chicken and chips and then left.

I didn't touch the food; I just swept it to one side and lay my head on the wooden table.

All that circled my mind is the fact that my baby is getting buried today. She went faster than she came. She's leaving forever.

Her laughter filled my ears and soon tears began to fall.

I don't know how long I stayed like this, silently crying but then I felt someone pat my shoulder. I lifted my head and saw Elina hovering with a worried expression. I sniffed and used my top to wipe my wet face.

"Honey, are you alright?"

I nodded looking anywhere but her face, because I know if I did look at her, my wall with crumble in pieces. Everything will come spilling out. Then I noticed that the restaurant was now empty not that they were lots of people before.

"Where's everyone?"

"I sent them home. I need to lock up the place so I could get ready for today. Young lady you need to get goin' as well. It's almost nine."

"Thanks Elina." I got up and stretched my muscles.

"Bella?" She called when I reached the door. "Take care of yourself baby."

I smiled then walked out.

While I was in Forks, Elina's restaurant was a place I used to love coming to. Most of the time, she gave me free food, like today. She became like a second mom for me when Renee was with her new husband. She was the person I want to when I got my first period, together we want to the local store and she helped me buy some pads and she even taught me how to use it. She was my safe harbour. I could always go to her when I felt uncomfortable or knew that Charlie wouldn't understand my problems.

_What to do next? _

I decided to go a park Charlie used to take me to not too far from where Elle's funeral is taking place. I thought even though I couldn't actually be there, I was still close to her.

If I remember correctly, the park was a big, lively place always full of happy kids, when the sun decided to come out.

Huge sandbox, swings, slides and seesaws. Elle would have loved it there.

When I got there, the park looked different. Not the old park filled with happy squealing kids. It looked dead, there was no sand in the box, it looked like it had been blown away by the wind, the seesaws looked rusty, the slide was filled with muddy water, and the only thing that still looked alright were the swings. This is not the same place I remember four years ago. It looked like no one's been here in ages; most of the people I remember are now in high school, people who wouldn't be caught dead in a park.

I took a sit on one of the swing, ignoring how dirty it looked and how cold the seat was. The swing was my favourite out of the whole park. I enjoyed the wind in my face as I screamed as Charlie to push higher. I always felt like I was flying, like I was free. It felt nice.

I started to swing but stopped when an awful screeching noise came from the swing.

The weather was horrible, the cold wing was slicing across my cheeks, bring water to my eyes, making my nose runny and giving me numb ears but I couldn't find it in me to care.

I wanted Elle to be buried on a nice sunny day, flowers blooming, butterflies floating around and birds chirping happily.

Would she hate the fact that I was burying her in this cold town?

Would she have looked it better in Phoenix?

"It's a little too cold to be sitting on a swing in this weather, don't you think?" an amused voce rang beside me.

"Yeah I guess it is." I said.

"Cool, well I'll just sit with you. I'm Rosalie Hale."

I finally turned my head and when I did I was beyond shocked. Sat before me was a girl that looked like the reincarnation of Aphrodite. Just looking at her my self esteem went down a notch.

Her hair was golden, gently cascading down her back. She wore a friendly smile showing all her sparkling white teeth.

"Umm...Bella. Bella Swan." I stuttered.

Immediately the smile evaporated from her face.

"Oh, you're Chief Swan's daughter. I hear about you all the time before you came here. Umm...I'm so sorry for your sister's death." She said kindly.

"Thanks." Again with the sister thing.

"If you don't mind me asking, why aren't you at the funeral? I heard it starts at ten, it's already half past ten. Are you skipping?"

"Really, time flies." I said ignoring her question. "Aren't you going?" I reversed.

"Nah, I don't attend funerals. When my mom died, I swore that I will never go to a funeral again. My friends are going though. My twin brother, his girlfriend, her parents and her two brothers. They know your family I think."

"Really, who are they?"

"The Cullen, do you know them?"

I froze.

"Bella, are you alright? You look as though you've seen a ghost, what is it?"

"Nothing, it's nothing." I tried to smile but I'm pretty sure it turned out like a grimace.

"Right." I don't think she believes me. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, thanks."

"Alright, so let me get this straight. You're gonna sit here in the freezing cold just so you don't have to go to the funeral?" She asked after a moment of silence.

"I didn't say that." I lied.

"Well, you didn't have to. I can tell. I know I might sound hypocritical saying this but, you need to go, you can't miss it, otherwise you might regret it. Go, don't hide, she's your sister for god sake." She sighed.

"Look!" I said a little too loud. "If I wanted to go I would, so don't sit here trying to lecture me on something you don't understand, so just...don't okay? It complicated."

"Looks like we both have all day." She said calmly unfazed by my outburst.

"We could have all day, all week, in fact we could have all year but that wouldn't change anything. You don't need to know." I deadpanned.

"Come on Bella. You don't need to be like that. Let me help." She insisted.

"Help," I scoffed. "You can't help; it's something no one can help with. She's gone and it's all..." I chocked. "It's all my fault." Tears began to fall and I furiously wiped them away.

"Oh shit." Rosalie muttered. "Bella, what happened?" She asked gently.

I took a shaky breath and angrily wiped my face again getting rid of all tears. "Look, it's nothing. I have to go. Maybe I'll see you around."

She barely nodded, staring at me with a glum expression.

I left as fast as my feet could carry me. Her words rang in my ear. '_You might regret it.'_

She's right; I am going to regret it. But I just can't go. As selfish as it seems, I didn't want to witness her been put in a small box then put under the earth. Saying she's gone hurts, having someone else sat it hurts even more so going to her funeral and watching her being put away forever will crush me completely.

I don't need to be there, her father is there. He just doesn't know that Elle is his daughter.

I wondered down town, looking at the stores and houses and checking out what had changed over the years; apparently nothing.

By half past three, my feet had started to hurt and the cold was becoming unbearable. I know that the service is over and she had been buried so I started walking back home.

When I got to my street, there were rows and rows of cars parked along the road.

I guess people came back here; things aren't going to end well.

I didn't have my keys, so I couldn't enter through the front door and I am not knocking.

I walked to the door, just looking at it.

Then, two people opened the door. They stopped and stared at me. I started back, not knowing what to say.

Finally I talked.

"Thank you for being here." I mumbled looking at my feet.

"It's alright. Take care." One of them said. I walked in between them and entered the door before closing it quietly.

The house was crowd, I'm surprised they didn't see me enter, so trying to go upstairs without being noticed has now become mission impossible.

Then I noticed there was a long queue to the living room.

_What's going on?_

I walked past the people in the line but no one said a thing. I guess they realise who I am.

I got inside the living room where on the table were pictures of Elle. In the centre was a picture of Elle waving at the camera. I remember that picture because I took it. Elle and I decided to take random pictures of each other, why? Because we were bored, and out of every single shot that we took, this one became my favourite. I guess Renee remembered when I told her.

The rest of the pictures were of when she was born, her first birthday, our first picnic, her sleeping on my chest and many more. Seeing pictures of here, around me brought tears to my eyes but seeing how happy she looked in every single picture made me smile. I felt a sense of comfort standing here, looking at; this is the closest I've felt with her since she had died.

"Nice of you to finally grace us with your presence." Renee's voice came from behind me.

**Hello!**

**I was gonna update early but then I have been too busy talking to people on Facebook, story of my life. And I hate typing, I really hate it. So that's why I took kinda long.**

**Thank you for reviewing the last chapter and telling me what you think Bella was gonna do, someone said cliff diving and I was like 'dang that's a good idea. Why didn't I think of that?' LOL.**

**People thought that she was gonna speak to the Elle's father but I didn't want them to meet that fast, you know? It will happen just not now. Hope you understand. Now I need to go take a paracetamol because my head hurts like fuck. School starts tomorrow, can't wait, actually I can.**

**Please review and I hope I didn't disappoint anyone with this chapter, sorry if what happened wasn't what you were expecting, but please still review. Thanks!**

**Oh and please do the poll and sorry for any mistakes you may find. :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**...Elle...**

I didn't know what to say so I just turned around, greeted by a ballistic Renee.

"We called your phone so many times. You didn't pick up, and then we heard it ringing in your room." She continued in that oddly calm voice of hers but underneath I knew she was seething.

"I had to go mom." I said trying to make her understand. "I couldn't be there, I couldn't watch."

She laughed. "So that's why you asked if she knew that you love her." She carried on, ignoring me but her voice had started to shake, and her calm exterior was slipping.

"Mom, listen to me." I begged. My brain was dead. I was begging but I had no idea what to say after.

"I don't even know what to say to you." She sneered and that made my blood boil.

"Yeah, you don't know what to say because you don't understand. Don't stand here shouting at me like you're bloody perfect." I shouted. My voice echoed through the house and soon people started coming in.

"What the hell are you talking about? When my father died I was ten. I went, I didn't run off. You selfish girl!" She roared.

I sighed then rolled my eyes but other than that I stayed quiet, knowing that whatever I say will not stop her.

She didn't understand, her situation is so different from mine.

"You know what..." She paused, shaking her head. I raised my eyebrow egging her to go on. "Do you even care about today?"

I don't care she dares ask.

"How dare you!" I spat. "You can call me many names, anything you want but one thing I won't stand for is you saying that I don't care. I put my heart and soul into raising her, so don't say that I don't care." Her words stung, they cut through me like a razor, a really sharp razor.

I looked around the room, familiar faces everywhere, worry and confusing on their faces. Is that what they all think? Do they think that I don't care?

"Bella, honey you know that's not what I mean. I-I don't know what made me ask that." She stammered, all her anger, the anger in her eyes were gone. Vanished.

"Baby why did you run from your dau-sister." She covered her mistake but that only enraged me even more.

"Say it, out loud. I don't care what they think. Why did I run from _my_..." I said stabbing my index finger to my chest as I looked at each and every one of the guest, "...my daughter."

Gasps echoed simultaneously. I gave a cold homerless laugh. The reaction I was expecting was exactly what I got.

"Yeah, cute little Isabella Swan got pregnant at just twelve, shocked? Elle is my daughter not Renee's. If you have a problem with that, then get out! In fact you all just get the hell out of here!" I shouted pointing my finger at the door, chest heaving rapidly.

The stunned guests didn't move an inch and it pissed me off. "Didn't you hear me?" I whispered. I picked up a glass picture frame with Elle on it and with all my might; I thrust it against the closest wall. It missed someone's head by just an inch. I watched as it shattered into a million pieces and the photo of Elle slowly fall to the floor.

I advert my attention to the guests, horror written on each face. "GET OUT! NOW, ALL OF YOU!" I shouted so loud, my throat started burning. I watched as they all scarpered out, some trying to push others out the way.

I stood there, breathing heavily, trying to pretend I couldn't feel Renee, Charlie and Phil staring at me.

I walked slowly to where Elle's picture lay on the floor, surrounded by broken glass.

I picked it up and with shaky hands; I used the tips of my fingers to trace the planes of her face. I just wanted to hold her again, touch her, and smell her for one last time. Is that too much to ask for?

"Are you happy now?" A wooden voice asked. "Is this what you envisioned your daughter's funeral to be like? You kept banging on about a good send off, is this your definition of a good send off? We got her everything you wanted, no questions asked and this is how you repay us?"

I didn't turn around; I just held the photo tighter in my hands. Everything is just settling in, the guilt, the sadness, loneliness. My actions were finally catching up to me. I have ruined my daughter's funeral.

Three pairs of feet left the room as I crumbled to the floor, holding the image close to my heart and letting the tears eat me up.

* * *

The next day, I sat myself on the bed rocking myself back and forth while tears of guilt flowed down my face.

I didn't get a wink of sleep last night: every time I closed my eyes even just to blink, an image of her smiling pops into my mind.

The house was quite today, Charlie had gone to work and Renee and Phil were nowhere to be seen.

I had no problem with that; all I want is to be alone.

At around one in the afternoon, after many hours of crying, the door bell rang. I didn't get up to go see who it was. Instead I remind as though I didn't hear it.

It rang again and again and again and again. I barely moved. I just hoped that the person will give up and leave.

Then the person started knocking more like banging on the door.

The combination of lack of sleep, irritation, the headache I got from crying so much and the guilt eating me up, gave me the boost to get up and march downstairs to confront the stupid idiot.

I yanked the door open.

"What the hell do you want?" I yelled then froze.

"Hello Bella." The person greeted politely.

* * *

**Hello!**

**Sorry I had to stop here, but that so wasn't my intention. **

**So who do you think is standing at the door? Please say! (Don't get your hopes to high in case it's not the person that you were expecting.)**

**Sorry if you do not like Renee right now, I didn't want to make her sound too much like a bitch.**

**I don't know when next I'll update cuz school started again and it does seem a bit harder but I want to concentrate but at the same time have fun, yeah know?**

**Anywayz, please review if you liked the chapter and sorry for mistakes you may find.**


	7. Chapter 7

...Elle...

"Alice? Is that really you?" I cried.

"Yes Bella." She whispered then I pulled her in for a hug. My best friend from four years ago, Alice Cullen. I pulled away from her, wiping tears from my eyes so I could see her better.

She still small, just around 5ft 3iches.

Her jet black hair that used to flow down her back is now cut short, sticking in different direction and barely covering her ears. She looked beautiful just like she did four years ago but now only a bit taller, more stylish and more stunning.

"Alice you look amazing." I said in complete awe then reached to touch her hair.

"Thank you. You don't look too bad yourself." She smiled genuinely, that's Alice for you; she has a way with words, never say a bad thing about anyone. Well, she never say's a bad thing about the people she cares about. "Can I come in?"

"Oh yeah." I moved out the way so she could pass through. She looked around, surveying the room.

"You know, I haven't been here since you left. Nothing's changed, I like that." She murmured.

For a moment we stood in silence.

"Umm...so do you want a drink? Coke, Water...anything?" I asked as I nervously rubbed my hands together.

"No Bella. All I want to know is why my best friend suddenly left, without so much of a warning. Just poof and you disappeared off the face of the earth." She deadpanned.

I sighed feeling very uneasy.

"Ali," I called using my old nickname for her. "You heard why yesterday, I know you were here."

"But why didn't you tell me. I thought I was your best friend?" She asked sounding hurt.

"Come off it Alice. That's different. I was twelve. Having your..." I paused noticing my slip. "Having a baby at twelve. You wouldn't have understood."

"You said having my, what does that mean?" She asked a smirk on her lips."Having my baby? No, that can't be it." Her smirk grew bigger when she noticed my sudden fidgeting. "Having my bro... nah that can't be it too."

"Alice, what are you talking about? Emmett and I, yeah right." My palms began to sweat and my eyes kept darting between her face and the wall.

"I think you and I both know I'm not talking about Emmett." A tense silence filled the room. "Come on Bella. Relax, I'm just kidding." She started laughing but something in her eyes made me think that maybe she wasn't kidding. "Well, are we just gonna stand here all day or catch up on all the years we missed?" She asked then skipped into the living room then plopped down on one of the sofa, looking totally relaxed. "Ahh, I miss this place. Hey hand me the remote will you. Charmed is on and I need to catch a glimpse of Wyatt; that sexy guy." She held her hand out, waiting for me to give it to her.

"Al, we've been watching that show ever since I could remember, over and over." I couldn't help but laugh something I haven't done in what felt like decades. The feeling was weird, foreign but it felt good.

"Honey, the only reason why I watch it is because of Wyatt."

For the next two hours, we sat watching the double episode of Charmed. Alice grinned like a fool every time the guy was shown.

When it finally finished, Alice switched off the T.V and turned to face me.

"I have a lot, emphasis on the 'lot', to ask you so I'll start with the easiest, okay?"She asked gently.

I tried to swallow the lump that had suddenly formed in my throat.

"W-what do you want to know?"

"Just tell me about her. What was she like, what were her hobbies? But if you don't feel comfortable we can just stop."

"Well...umm...Elle...she loves, sorry loved to help cook, she was my little helper in the kitchen. She hated cheese, the only time she would eat it if it was on pizza. She hated winter but consider where she grow up I don't blame her. For some reason she hated taking showers, she preferred taking baths. She loved the colour green, she was obsessed with it. She once asked me if I could paint her hair green. Alice she was so caring, whenever I got sick she was always there, trying to make me better but whenever she's sick she never want you to worry. She was so selfless, Alice. She didn't deserve to go." Like every other time I talk about her, tears were now falling. "Yesterday, when she was you know...buried, she was meant to go to her first ballet class, I had her outfit all laid out, all I was waiting for was for her to get better. She had been bugging me for weeks and weeks saying she wanted to learn ballet but every time I blew her off. When I picked the date for her funeral, I didn't realise that I had picked the day she was meant to be at her first class. That's one of the reasons I couldn't be there. I...I-I didn't want to watch her be put in a box; I wanted to see her spin around in her little pink tutu, doing something she loved. Now all I can do is wonder whether she would have loved it or hated it. Would she have been good, I don't know nor will I get a chance to find out." I sobbed.

She didn't say a word, there no: Bella I'm so sorry, Oh darling it'll soon get easier.

She didn't say any of those; instead she pulled me into her arms and cradled me like a baby when the tears became unstoppable.

"I would have looked to see you in mommy mode. I remember when we were younger; you were always the mommy in the group, though you were the youngest." Then she laughed. "You always had Emmet wrapped around your finger. I remember that time when Emmett stole a bit from your cookie and you pinched him then dragged him by the ear around the park and if that was anyone else he would have hit them. When I tried to do what you did...whoa you don't even want to know how he reacted." She laughed and for the second time today, I laughed too.

"Alice, thank you." I wiped my face with the back of my hands. She looked perplexed as to why I was thanking her so I elaborated. "For coming and just being there for me. I didn't see pity in your eyes and you didn't judge me, so thanks."

"Bells, that's what best friends are meant to do. If your best friend doesn't understand then who will?" She got a tissue from her bag and started wiping traces of tears left on my face. "It's my job to be there and just because you've been gone for a while doesn't mean I gonna stop. I have your back, you better have mine."

"Thank you Alice and I do have your back." I said when she finished.

"Have you got any pictures of Elle, I wanna see her." She asked excitedly. "But only if you want to." She quickly amended.

I shrugged.

"Honey we don't have to." She said reassuringly.

"No, it's alright, I want to. I'm going to have to do it sooner or later. I just want people to meet her and she the wonderful girl I knew not look at her pictures." Tears overwhelmed me again but I angrily swat them away. "Gosh, am I going to always cry every time I talk about her?"

"Honey, you're grieving. I don't expect you to not cry when you talk about her. It means that you are slowly moving on. I know it doesn't feel that way but instead of just shutting yourself down you're allowing yourself to feel something. You care." Alice said then she grabbed my hand and started rubbing circles on the back of my hand. I took a shaky breath in then got up.

"Come on, I have some pictures upstairs."

Alice followed as I went into my room to get some of Elle's pictures from my suitcase.

With shaky hands, I slowly picked an album that I created for her since the day she was born.

I thought I was going to add more pictures of her doing ballet, to mark another stage of her life. But I didn't get the chance.

The album wasn't even half full. Instantly pain gripped my chest and I found it hard to breath. I thrust the book into Alice's hands and ran to the window and pushed it open, welcoming the sweet air that flowed through my chest and then I slowly started breathing properly.

It wasn't until I saw a hand holding a tissue out in front of my face that I realised that tears were streaming down my face. I took the tissue from her hand and softly wiped my face.

"You okay now?" She whispered softly, and then pulled me in for a much needed hug. "Are you alright now?"

I nodded into her neck.

"We don't have to look at them if it makes you uncomfortable."

"N-no... umm... umm, y-you can look. I just need a moment." I replied my voice shaking and thick with tears.

"Are you positive?" She pulled back and looked me deeply in the eyes.

I could still feel her eyes on me even as I turned to face the window again. I looked into the sky and let my thoughts carry me away.

_Elle, I miss you so much. I'm so lonely without you, I finally understand what people mean when they say you don't know what you have until it's gone._ _I messed up your day yesterday didn't I? Please forgive me, honey._

I don't understand how people do it, just move on with their lives after they lose someone; how they can just let go because the truth is I'm not ready to let go of her. 4 years doesn't cut it for me, such a small amount of time. If I knew this was going to happen, I would have loved to change a few things. Like those times when I shouted at her to go away and get out of my sight, those times I told her to shut the hell up, those times I felt like lashing out on her, those times I simply choose to ignore her, those I times I forgot that Elle was my responsibility not Renee and those times when she simply just wanted something but I could afford it. I want to be a better mom, apologize for the times that I neglected her or took my anger out on her. It wasn't easy being a teenager and having to look after a toddler as well. I just want her to know that I'm sorry but now it's too little too late.

A sole tear slipped out from one corner of my eye.

_Forgive me._

"...hmm...looks so much like him." One part of my brain registered Alice's words and my head snapped to her direction.

"What did you say?" Panic washed over me.

She smiled. "Nothing, I said she looks just like you."

I nodded hesitantly. I swore I heard her say him. Does she know? Oh God!

"You should come over sometime. Carlisle, Esme and Emmett will love to have you over." She swiftly changed the subject.

Well if she's allowed to do that then why can't I do the same?

"So you're still calling your parents by their first names, huh?" I asked.

"Yeah well so do you. Don't try change the subject, come on Bells." She persisted.

"Alice, I can't."

"You can't or you don't want to? Come on Bella, you need to go out. Be around people, staying cooped in this room everyday is not gonna help you. It's only gonna let you do three things: cry, mope around and cry some more. Please." She asked gently.

"Fine, I'm not promising but I see what I can do. I'll still like a bit more time to mourn my daughter before everyone starts expecting me to start acting like nothing happened." She frowned a bit at my words.

"Bella, no one expects you to-" but she didn't get to finish her sentence because Charlie came home and called out my name.

"Bella? honey?" He called from downstairs.

Alice and I both got up from my bed and went downstairs to greet Charlie.

He was hanging up his jacket when we go to the last stair.

"Hey Dad," I said with as much enthusiasm as I could muster which actually wasn't much.

"Hello Mr Swan." Alice said politely next to me.

"Oh Alice, it's lovely to have you here. You stopped visiting after Bells left. Am I that easily forgotten." He joked.

"Of course not Mr Swan," She laughed. Alice and my father had always connected in a way him and I never did. I always got the feeling that he wished Alice was his daughter, let's face it, she's better at pretending to find all his lame jokes funny and she even bothered to act interested whenever he started talking about fishing; his hobby.

"Alice, can I talk to you in the kitchen, please?" Charlie asked.

"Sure," She smiled then turned to me. "Give us a minute or two."

_What's this about? _

I nodded then slowly walked back up the stairs then raced back down when I heard the kitchen door shut.

"...how did it go?" I heard Charlie say when I pressed my ear against the door.

"Surprisingly, better than I thought. I found out some things about how's she's coping but that's it. Thank you Sir. Thank you for giving me this opportunity to help."

"She needs someone who understands her. Something I can't do." Charlie mumbled.

"Sir, out of anyone, it's you who knows her the best. Don't hide backstage and let other people steal your limelight, show her you care."

"Alice Cullen, you are all grown up. If someone told me a few years ago that I'll be talking advice from a 16-year old, I would not believe."

Alice then laughed.

"Oh and it's Charlie. I'm going to start charging you a dollar every time you call Mr Swan." He teased.

Alice laughed and I ran back up the stairs and quickly crawled back into my bed, just before Alice came in.

"Hey," She said.

"What was that about?" I asked trying to see if she would tell me.

"You." She said then flopped on the bed.

"What about me?" I said fringing innocence.

"Oh please, I know you heard. I saw your feet at the top of the stairs. Anyways, I need to go now. Please think about coming over. Maybe we can hang out on Saturday, that's if you want to."

"I'll think about it." I lied but offered her a small smile.

"Hey, give me your number." She suggested.

I took my phone out and gave her my number and she did the same.

She got up and so did I. We stood here, at the foot of my bed just staring at each other.

"Oh just give me a hug." She laughed and I walked closer to her and bug her hard.

"Thank you Ali."

She hugged me back. "You're welcome honey, just take care of yourself." She pulled back then left.

The rest of the day, I spent in my room replaying Alice's words.

_She looks so much like him._

Does she know?

Does she know who the father is?

Does the father know that he's the father?

He must have been there yesterday so he must have heard me announce that Elle's mine.

Does he hate me?

I was so engrossed in my thoughts that I didn't hear Renee enter my room until I felt the bed sink a bit.

"Hey," She greeted.

I nodded.

"Honey, I 'm so sorry, really sorry. The things I said yesterday were out of line. I was just upset because I just wanted you to be there. I knew it was going to hurt you but I felt it was a stage you were ready to face, but turns out you weren't."

I was about to say something in response but she kept going.

"Elle's a big part of your life. She's your world and now I can't help but wonder if you'll ever be able to face that stage and go see her."

_Go see her_. I rolled her eyes at her words.

"I'm right aren't I?"

Tears started to blur my vision. "Will it make a horrible mom?"

How Renee knew, I had no idea but I had vouched to myself yesterday that I will never set foot on Elle's grave. "I don't want her to hate me but I just can't do it. I can't go there. It's so dead...cold, being surrounded by dead people...I-I just can't. She's gone; I can't stand in front of her grave knowing that her body is slowly decaying and talk to her about how my day has been when I know that her life has been cut short. I watched and felt her grow inside me for nine months, I watched her blossom into a beautiful young girl so full of life but in a couple of months, years to come, all that beauty will just rot away. She's soon going to be a pile of bone and...t-that too much for me." I paused, to wipe the snort that was now dribbling down my nose. "So if protecting myself from hurting means I won't be able to go and visit her then that's what I'm going to do."

"Bella you don't really mean that do you? Y-you're over analysing this." Her voice was filled with shock.

Without hesitating, I replied, "I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it."

We sat quietly, Renee breathing heavily and me wiping tears away.

Finally Renee talked, "Bella honey, you're really not taking this well. Maybe it might be a good idea for you to see someone and talk about it."

_A shrink?_

Did my speech creep her out that much that now it's causing her to question my sanity?

"I don't want fake sympathy." I said softly.

"It's not fake; it's going to help you move on with your life."

_Whatever, _I thought.

"Mom, can you please just go." I pleaded. I'm trying so hard to not leash out on her. "I just want to be alone. I'll get over this by myself."

She sighed heavily as she got off the bed.

"Just remember Bella, you aren't the first person to lose someone you care deeply about. Death is random; you never know who is next but when death strikes people learn to move on. You need to do the same." Then she left.

**

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**

Hello!

**Today is my b-dai!**

**Anywayz, hope you like the chapter cuz I don't but anyways this is the longest chapter I have written for this story. Sorry if you find any mistakes. Please review!**


	8. Chapter 8

**...Elle...**

A few days passed, these days should have been spent with me crying my eyes out, mourning my daughter however my plans were destroyed because after the day I have my conversation with Renee, a private number kept calling my phone. At first I thought nothing of it, thinking maybe it was an accident since only a little amount of people knew my number so I blew it off. But then, that same day the person called again and as soon as I picked up the caller hung up.

I couldn't call back since it was a private number. I had no way of finding out who the mystery caller is. So every now and then, I get a phone call and it goes in the same motion: I pick up, the person hangs up, they call again, I pick up and they hang up again.

It's really annoying.

_Maybe it's a prank,_ I thought, _drive Isabella mad but how did they get my number? _

I am so tempted to change my number; the caller never goes a day without calling me. Usually it'd two to three calls a day. I know it doesn't sound that bad but trust me, hearing that same ring tone day and day out really can start to get to a girl. I consider telling Charlie since he is the chief police of this small town, maybe there is something he may be able to do but then I stopped myself. I will get the person to speak to me without involving anyone.

My phone suddenly rang, jolting me from my reverie, third time today.

I hastily picked up, determined to talk to the caller.

"Hello?" I said softly not wanting to scare him or her away.

No reply just soft breathing coming from the speaker. At least the culprit hasn't hung up, this is the longest conversation I have had with this person. Usually I barely get to finish saying hello before the person disconnects.

"Hello?" I repeated, no answer. "Hey, who are you? What do you want from me! What do I own you that makes you bother me every single day!" Suddenly, the breathing got heavy and it started to sound like the person was suffering from a panic attack. Heavier and heavier it got then the line was cut off.

"No don't!" I shouted hoping to stop them but it was too late. I sighed and threw my phone on the floor as a way of venting off my anger and frustration.

Why can't the universe let me grieve my daughter in peace?

Do they have to add something else for me to worry about?

Again my phone rang.

I picked it up, this time not bothering with politeness or gentleness.

"Listen! What the hell do you want? Your calls are annoying me!" I yelled.

"Umm...Bells, it's me Alice."

"Oh." Well, I feel stupid. "Sorry about that."

"It's alright, is someone bothering you?"

"Forget it. It doesn't matter, just someone prank calling me." I said trying to sound nonchalant.

"Does anyone in this town have your number?" She asked.

"Well, no, only you do. And it might not even be from here but then only Renee, Phil and Charlie and a few other people have my number. So I don't know."

"Rrrright." She dragged. "I see, okay thanks for that. The reason I called is because I wanted to know for definite if you are coming on Saturday."

_Wait, does she know something?_

"Alice, do you know who the caller is?" I asked ignoring the rest of what she said.

She was silent for a while. "Nah, don't worry about it." I frowned at her words but let it go. I'm not in the right position to be forcing her to tell me any of her secrets since I kept a big secret away from her.

"So...anyway are you coming? Esme and Carlisle are really excited to see you. And Emmett, please don't get me started on Emmett. He's acting like a kid that got told Christmas is coming early. So whatcha say?" She asked but I could hear the smile in her voice. She didn't play fair; using some of my favourite people against me.

"What about you-know-who?" I said quietly.

"Who's-you-know-who? Oh...Edward, well you could have just said his name instead of going all Voldermot on me." She said jokingly, then waited for me to laugh but I didn't.

"Geez, tough crowd," She mumbled then got serious. "I don't know, he might not be in, he's never in really, always with Ta- never mind. You two never really talked when you we were younger, so why are you worried if he's there no not? Oh heads up, when you come, don't expect much from him **if **you do see him. He's a broody bastard; I swear I can't believe Emmett and I are related to him. He's such a joy killer. If he gives you the cold shoulder, just flip him the bird; that's what I do."

"Alice, I don't think coming to your place is a good idea." I said quickly before she could start talking again.

"Oh come on Bells! Is it Edward? I swear, he's not going to be home. If he is though, I'll lock him in the toilet or something and throw away the key; he'll be no bother. I promise. Please, please, please!" She begged and I knew that she knew that she was getting close to having her way. But that didn't mean I couldn't try one more time to sway her.

"Alice, I don't-" I didn't get to finish my sentence

"Come on. Elle wouldn't want you in your room all day." Suddenly I was angry.

"Don't try that one on me! Do not use Elle against me. You don't know what she was like, so do not play at that me." I spat angrily. "Don't."

Alice sighed softly into the phone.

"Sorry, I guess it was a tad bit stupid to use her like that, considering the fact that I didn't know her. Sorry Bella."

For a while or two, I opened and closed my mouth, gaping like a goldfish trying to think of how to fix the situation. "You're right though. She wouldn't want me locked in my room all day, so yes I-I'll come but you'll have to come get me somehow." I concluded, knowing full well that just like I she also does not have a driver's license.

"Don't worry, I'll sort it out." She said cheerily. "I need to go tell Esme, she's gonna be so pleased!" Then she let out a deafening squeal. I held the phone at arm-length so it doesn't shatter my ear drums.

"Alice! Warn a girl!" I cried, when the squealing stopped. "You really need to stop the whole squealing for no reason thing; you've been doing it ever since I could remember. Gosh, I swear it's not going to be old age that makes me deaf, it's going to be you."

"Oh take a chill pill. Having my best friend back after how many years makes me entitled to squeal."

"Whatever." I mumbled.

"Oh, is it alright if I invite a friend of mine, she's really cool. You two will get along well." Then she paused. "I hope so anyway."

I felt a pang go through my chest; she has another friend. Does she have a new best friend now?

I know worrying over something so petty should be the least of my problem but I still couldn't help the jealous that flowed through me. I know it's silly of me to still expect her to think of me as her only friend and years ago when I had laid Elle in her cot, I allowed myself to think of Alice and I remember telling myself that If Alice had a new best friend it wouldn't bother me. How wrong was I?

Growing up it was always Alice and I. Me and Alice, no one else.

"Sure, it's cool." I said through gritted teeth.

"I mean, she doesn't have to come. It could just be you and I but it might be good for you guys to meet; she says I talk about you a lot. But she doesn't have to come." She rambled.

"No, Alice, like I said before it is alright."

"Bells, I've knew you for a long time, while some things about you may have changed you are still a horrible liar. Do you still do that thing when you our left eye twitches when you lie?" She asked and I could detect smugness from her voice.

How does she remember that stupid habit?

"No," I replied quickly then right on cue my left eye began to twitch.

_Stupid eye._

"Right," She snorted. "I don't have to invite her; it'll just do you guys some good getting to know one another. Whatcha say?"

I sighed; I don't have the energy to pretend anymore. "Whatever you want, I don't mind."

"O..kay, is that a yes?"

"Yes, it's a yes." I said.

"Cool, wait...I'm gonna squeal in three seconds, so pull the phone away. 3...2...1..." I pulled the phone away but the squeal still echoed from the phone.

"You're worse than Raven on that show; that so Raven" I commented when she stopped.

"You still watch that show?" She asked incredulously.

"I don't." I mumbled quietly and in just a matter of seconds, my eyes pooled with tears. "Elle did."

"Really?" Alice urged.

_Deep breath_, I thought. "She...umm...I don't think she really understood what it was about but she still loved it. She loved all things Disney."

She really did, when she's not helping me in the kitchen she has her eyes glued on the T.V, watching Disney with so much fascination.

"I still sometimes watch Disney, maybe Elle and I might have bonded over that." Her words sounded unsure, like she was afraid of saying something that might set me off again.

"Yeah, maybe." I tried to smile, just imagining Elle and Alice talking about their favourite Disney stars, but my smile wavered; it's not going to happen. "She would have loved that. I'm really not much of a Disney fan so we never really had conversations on that topic. But once to twice she asked me to find her a friend who loved Disney or give her sister. I was beyond shocked." I laughed through my tears that were subconsciously falling.

Alice chuckled, "What did you tell her?"

"Before I do go on, what do you think the appropriate answer should have been?"

"Umm...I don't know. 'Not yet'?" she suggested.

"Oh, that sounds so much better than the answer that I gave her. A straight up- no trying to deny it-big fat- No! She was so upset; Renee found the situation when I told her funny."

"I don't blame her. Did you hear the way you just crushed her hopes, it's like you told her Santa clause doesn't exist. Ring any bells?" She mumbled then faked sniff trying to act as though she is crying.

I rolled my eyes, "Alice will you let it go! I was 9! I didn't believe in that BS, excuse me for trying to tell you as well."

"Well, you didn't have to say it the way you did. _'Santa doesn't exist. Don't be dumb, it's Esme and Carlisle who bring you all the presents. If you believe that then you are a doodoo head!'_." She mimicked. "I believe those were your exact words. What is a doodoo?"

I sighed, "I don't know, I made it up."

"It was cruel," I could tell she was pouting. "I didn't talk to you for weeks."

I laughed, "Yeah, I was miserable."

"So how did Elle react?"

"She also didn't talk to me. She wouldn't let me change her clothes, feed her, give her a bath or take her to bed. But she got fed up when I started ignoring her, so she was forced to talk to me."

"What!" Alice's voice was laced with shock. "You just ignored her? I knew you could be a bitch Bells but..." She laughed.

"Well, I needed to put my feet down, teach her that you can't always get what you want." I mumbled trying to defend myself.

She both laughed then it got silent.

"So seriously, are you sure you don't mind her coming?" Alice asked, our playful banter gone.

"Ali, it's fine. I don't mind." I said as honestly as I could manage.

"Kay, cool. So Saturday, I'll get Emmett to come pick you up. If he has plans..."she paused then started to talk again. "...well, poor him. He's gonna have to procrastinate. He loves you, I'm sure he won't mind." She said, waving it off as though it wasn't a big deal.

"Alice, I don't wanna make him mad. Years have gone by, meaning things might have changed. Maybe someone else can come?" I suggest.

"Sure..." She answered coolly. "I don't mind asking Edward. He's just a big bucket of fun. Silly me, why on earth did I offer you my fun and loving, sweet, friendly out-going brother," She put extra emphasis on each word then continued, "when I could have just suggested my jackass, pain in my ass, stuck up brother! What the hell was I thinking?" I could hear the sarcasm dripping from her voice.

"Haha, funny." I replied, my voice dry of humour.

"Take your pick, Emmett or Edward. Who is going to be?"

"Finnne, I pick Emmett. But make sure he wants to, don't make him." I warn, chewing on my dry lips.

"Geez Bella, stop talking as though you don't remember what Emmett was like. You'll be surprised to see that Emmett is still the same; only a bit more childish, don't ask me how, he just is, and a lot bigger."

"Okay then. I'll come."

"Oh, his mode of transport might not be your cup of tea." She rushed quickly. "Love you Bells." Then she hung up before I could even ask what she meant.

_I'm just gonna have to find out myself._

* * *

**Hey! Hey!**

**Hi everyone! Long time no see. I haven't updated in so long because...ummm...I don't know. :( I just haven't. I hope you guys are not angry, because I hate it when people take long to update and here I am, doing the same. I am ashamed of myself. *Cries***

**Please, please forgive me, and I hope to update soon. Sorry for mistakes you might find, my mum is telling me to go sleep because I'm not feeling well, so I'm rushing. Have a good day or night, whichever. Lol.**


	9. Chapter 9

**...Elle...**

I could hear the loud engine from miles away.

_What the hell is that?_

As it got closer, it got louder.

The neighborhood is extremely quite so the noise attracted a few audience and soon people were playing peeping tom through their windows.

I, like the rest of them was also peeping, but seriously who wouldn't be?

Louder and louder it got.

As it got closer, I was able to make out what was making the noise, a motorcycle.

The driver drove at such speed, too fast for my eyes. The bike stopped right outside my house and a bulky guy in black leather jacket and trouser, black leather boots and black helmet got off the very expensive looking bike.

He looked scary but at the same time very familiar. The way he walked reminded me of someone...

He approached the house and quickly I closed the curtains so he doesn't see me spying on him.

He knocks two times and hesitantly I walk to the door. Should I open it? What's the worst that can happen?

As I was contemplating my decision, a voice rang out.

"Belllllaaa!" The voice booms.

Without thinking, I ripped the door open revealing a smiling Emmett.

"Belllllss!" His voice booms.

Does he know he's shouting?

Before I could even respond, I was being lifted off my feet and spun around easily as though I weighed nothing.

Ah, I know these hugs. How can anyone forget these comforting yet slightly scary hugs? Only the one and only Emmett Cullen can juxtaposition two things that don't belong with each other and make them feel like the best thing in the world.

"Emmett!" I screamed excitedly, locking my arms around his huge muscular neck.

Wow, I didn't know I miss him this much; I haven't felt excited about anything for what seemed like decades.

He spun me around a few more times but then lost his footing and we both went tumbling down.

Ouch!

"Geez Emmett, you sure know how to make an entrance." I couldn't keep the excitement out of my voice even as pain circled my backside from where Emmett had dropped me.

"What can I say, I aim to please." He said goofily while rubbing his back which he banged on the porch fence.

"Yeah right," I whined, "more like aim to bruise."

Trying to be discreet, I angled myself away from Emmett so he wouldn't see me as I gently rubbed my backside, just like I used to do with Elle when she first started walking and she kept tripping on thin air.

"What a great sense of humour," Emmett muttered quietly.

He helped himself to his feet and then extended his hand for me to take. Easily he hoisted me up.

"You haven't seen me in four years and this is the best reunion you could think of?"I teased.

"I lost my footing!" He pouted.

I laughed.

"How are you?" He asked gently and I knew he wasn't just being polite.

I sighed, all traces of humour evaporating from my face.

"Emmett, I'll really appreciate it if we don't have this conversation." I bowed my head and played with my fingers and after a moment of silence, I took a peek at his face and saw how crestfallen he looked so I quickly amended. "I mean umm... let's not have this talk on my front porch. I'll tell you, you and I are tight."

Almost immediately he brightened up.

"So," I whispered softly in an attempt to get the conversation going again. "When did you buy that insanely expensive looking bike?"

"Oh, that old thing," Emmett said nonchalantly leaning his back against the wall in an attempt to look cool. "Bought it last month with money earn from hard work." He flexed his right bicep before placing a kiss on it.

I cocked an eyebrow.

Something you should never do when around Emmett is, believing him when he says he works hard. The only thing the boy can work hard for is grabbing the TV remote from the table.

"Strange, I thought it was from the pocket money you receive from Esme and Carlisle." I smirked knowing I was right.

"No," he says quickly. "I earned it!"

"Yeah, how did you earn it exactly? By folding your laundry or by not throwing your dirty piles on the floor like you used to do?" I teased.

He narrowed his eyes playfully. "I'll have you know it was for neither of those things." He paused, "It was for making my bed every week."

I doubled over in laughter. "Are you kidding me?"

"Just go get your coat, Swan."

I smiled feeling somewhat happy knowing that I can still press all his buttons any time I like.

I still have my friend.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**

"Bella, honey," Esme's sweet voice rang as I stepped into the Cullen's foyer. I forcefully jabbed Emmett with the helmet which he had given me letting him know I was still a bit miffed by his prank.

I smiled when Esme pulled me in for a hug and inhaled her sweet motherly scent.

"Ahh, I've missed you so much darling." She pulled back after some time and then turned to say something to Emmett before narrowing her eyes at him.

"What did I tell you about giving people that helmet?" Esme asked in a no nonsense tone.

I stuck my tongue out at Emmett before opening my mouth to get him into more trouble.

"Yes, Esme, it was very embarrassing. I could hear people laughing and wolf whistling on our way." It was true.

Esme turned back to Emmett, jaw clenched. "I don't know what was going through your brain when you decided to have the quote 'I like my sausages big and thick' customised on the back of that helmet so either you take it back and they do something about it or you throw it away. Take your pick."

"Moooommm," Emmett whined. "I like it! I know Bella, Alice and Rose like it too!" He pouted.

"Bella?" Esme called.

"Yes Esme?" I smirked, knowing the question she was going to ask.

"Do you like that helmet?"

"No, no I don't."

"Well Emmett, there you go. Get rid of it or take it back to the shop and get the message changed."

Emmett looked dejected and he looked like he was about to stomp his feet but caught himself just in time.

I sniggered then he turned to me. "You'll pay for this Swan."

"Emmett, go tell Alice Bella is coming." Esme's tone left no room for negotiation.

We watch Emmett stomp up the large staircase before disappearing in its spiral.

"Bella, it is so good to see you. How are you honey?" She asked her eyes warm with concern.

"Fine, I guess. I'm coping. That's all I can do right now." I sighed.

"Yeah, sure, you've always been brave, just hang in there baby. Don't let this drag you into oblivion. If you ever need a shoulder to lean on, I'll be there. Okay?" I nodded automatically.

"Do you still remember where Alice's room is?"

"Yeah, I think I do." I smiled; it's always nice to know that something never change even after many years.

I walked up the Cullen's spiral stairs and passed the first floor and stopped at the second. The house is massive, a three floor house. The head of the Cullen household, Carlisle Cullen is one of the doctors in town; he's really good at his job so good that other bigger hospitals beg to have him working with them but he's just content working here. On more than one occasion when I was younger and I use to come here, I have had Alice crying on my shoulder saying how she heard her parents talking about her dad's new job offer and how they might be moving but every time it turned out to be a false alarm.

Esme is a professional chef, who has her own thirty minute show on one of the food network; her business has been going on for almost twenty years.

Well Alice's room isn't hard to find. It's certainly very unique.

Her door looked like it was splattered with different shades of pink and in the middle her name was going down diagonally. I smiled a little remember when we were younger, she had told me she was going to do something unique on her door. How she had managed to convince Esme to let her decorate her door like that is beyond me. Esme Cullen is not the easiest person to get to see your point of view, believe me, I have seen Alice try so many times and fail.

If her door is this colourful, I can only imagine what the inside will look like.

As I got closer to her door, I could hear giggling and guffawing erupting from her room and it made me wonder whether I would fit in with them.

Timidly, I rapped on the door.

I heard a squeal from inside and immediately the door was pulled open.

"Bellllla!" Alice yelled excitedly then threw her tiny frame on me making me stagger back to keep us both from falling down.

I don't want to re-act what happen with Emmet and me.

"Gosh Alice, for someone so small you sure carry a lot of force." I said while trying to pry her off me.

"I just miss you. Come on; let me introduce you to my best friend, Rose."

_Best friend?_

I let her drag me into her room, all traces of hope that I may have bad left of Alice and I being solid like we were before, varnished.

I swallowed multiple times as a way to remove the lump that had formed in my throat.

I lost my daughter now I have also lost my best friend.

Sitting on Alice's bed were Emmett and Rosalie.

Rose...Rosalie...Rosalie...Rose.

The girl I met in the park.

Emmett had his back on Alice's bed head rest and Rosalie snuggled up on his chest.

They looked cosy, they are probably together.

"You're Rosalie, right?" I asked trying to pretend I had forgotten who she was.

She smiled, "Hello Bella, nice to see you again." She greeted, politeness dripping from every word she spoke.

"You two have met?" Alice asked, looking between Rosalie and me with a stunned expression.

I nodded and Rosalie just grinned.

"And you two didn't get in an argument, Rosalie wasn't being...umm...bitchy?" She asked surprise evident in her voice.

I nodded.

"Really?" She asked me again and I nodded again then she turned to Rosalie. "Really?"

Rosalie rolled her eyes, "Hey, I can be nice when I want to be."

"Really Rosalie, you called Holly Fishers a dirty, crusty cunt and accused her of giving heads to boys for less than 50 cent, all because she didn't pick up your books which you dropped on purpose."

"That's my girl!" Emmett boomed.

"Yeah well, she had it coming. She'd been annoying me for a while and Bella is different; I like her. So that shows I can be Miss Nice and Miss Not So Friendly."

"Well that just makes you two-faced." Alice said smugly.

"No it doesn't." Rosalie said.

"Yes it does."

"No it doesn't."

"Yes it does."

For a while they continued their playful banter, leaving me feeling well...excluded.

"No it doesn't"

"No it doesn't." Alice got confused and said the wrong line, making Emmett laugh.

"Ha! See you've admitted it." Rosalie smirked.

"No it was an accident; ask Bella she knows I'm terrible at things like that."

"Excuses, excuses, shit like that don't fly well with me." She paused. "Hon?" She turned to Emmett smiling sweetly at him.

"Yo Babe." Emmett replied.

"Get out of here, its girls only now. Go do something with your time and leave me with my girls." How she said it so bluntly shocked me, I can totally see the reason why Alice had shocked when she discovered Rosalie and I had already met and no fight broke out.

Emmett pouted, "Oh come on! I have nothing better to do, please?"

Rosalie didn't even bat an eyelash at him, "Nope, get out. I wanna get to know Bella"

"It's not your room." Emmett mumbled quietly.

Rosalie raised a brow, clearly not amused.

"You're right; it's not my room so let's ask Alice, shall we?"

Immediately, Alice answered, "Get off my bed and out my room."

Begrudgingly, Emmett began to get off the bed.

He stomped his feet as he passed by, shoulders droopy, head bowed and whispering something along the lines of 'girls think they are all that...Rosalie too rude, if I wasn't upset I would have found it hot.'

_Weirdo_, I thought as is hook my head. Jealousy filled my mind as I thought about their playful banter, I admired how simple and carefree their lives seemed.

I made my way to where Rosalie and Alice were sitting, my feet finally allowing me to move.

"I really can't believe that you and Rosalie are friends, not that... I don't... don't get me wrong." She rambled then thumped herself on the forehead. "Lemme just shut up. Do you guys want coke?"

Rosalie nodded but I shook my head making Alice frown. "Why Bella, you loved coke."

I swallowed, "Umm, yeah I did but when Elle was born I stopped drinking it because I didn't want her to use the excuse that if I did something she would automatically be allowed to do it as well. So all my junk food addiction and stuff I just grew out of them." I shifted uncomfortably on where I was standing.

"Aww man," Alice whined. "I really don't know my best friend anymore, this sucks!"

I shrugged feeling guilty.

Silence filled the room.

"How are you? Like really, how are you?" Rosalie asked.

I shrugged again and sighed.

"Tell us Bella. Keep us in." Rosalie coaxed softly.

I opened my mouth a couple of times not really knowing what to say. "My arms," I said tears already forming. They both looked at me with confusion written on their faces. "My arms ache." I hugged my arms across my chest, hoping that they will understand what I mean.

"Bella, honey I have some painkillers, if that will help." Alice said completely missing my point.

I shook my head just as a tear dropped. "My arms really ache; they feel so limp and useless. They..." my voice broke. "They yearn...for" I sucked in a gush of air, "they yearn for Elle, and my arms are in so much pain. Every single day, they want to hold her again." I closed my eyes and Elle popped in my mind. She ran into my arms and I lift her off the ground, spinning her, whispering in her ears that I will never let her go.

"I feel so empty, like my soul is gone, all there is left is my body; no soul no function. Everything reminds me of her and I just want to hold her but I can't. She left me all on my own."

I'm all alone.

"Bells," Alice said and my head jacks up. I had completely forgotten they were in the room. "Do you want to talk some more?"

She came in front of me and tried to unfold my arms and take it into hers.

But I shook her off. "Alice don't, please don't do that. I feel like I'm about to crumble and if I let go then that's the end of me. One minute I feel so guilty, every time I laugh, smile or just allow myself to feel happy, the guilt comes, I tell myself it feels good but then the guilt comes and I think here I am not even a month that your daughter has died and yet you're laughing. I don't know what to feel, I don't want to feel a thing. I don't want to feel the pain because it hurts so much nor do I want to feel happy because the guilt is too immense.

A new voice started to speak, "You feel weak, and everywhere you look, every person you see reminds you of her. Everyone tells you it's going to be alright but you can't bring yourself to believe them. Nothing anyone says makes you feel better." I looked up and Rosalie was looking straight at me, tears glistening in her eyes. "My mum died, remember?

"You ask yourself why. Why did it have to be you, why out of millions of people, why you? You ask yourself why you feel so isolated, you could be in a room filled with billions of people but without that special person there with you, you feel so alone."

"Guys I am so sorry." Alice whispered looking between the two of us with a remorseful expression.

"Why are you sorry?" Rosalie asked the question in my head.

"Because you two are my best friend and I feel so useless. I don't know what to say, I don't want to be one of those people that promises that everything will be okay because I don't know that. I haven't lost anyone close to me. I don't know what to say. I am so sorry for begin so useless." She rambled, tears also pooling in her eyes.

"Alice I'm glad you don't understand how this feels. And I hope you never lose anyone you love because this pain...It hurts so much."I cried, wiping the tears from my face.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**

"Girls, dinner is ready. Everyone is here; we're just waiting for you." Esme said popping her head through the door.

We shook Rosalie who had fallen asleep because she had gotten a headache from crying so much. Alice switched of the T.V, which had kept the both of us occupied for the past few hours.

We followed Esme down the stairs and into the massive dining room.

Carlisle and Emmett were already sat along with a pretty young lady whom I haven't met before.

She had curly ginger hair, blue sparkling eyes and wore the expression of friendliness.

"Hey Tanya." Alice said going round the table to give her a hug.

"Hello Al," She said hugging Alice back. She seems kind, really kind.

"Who is she?" I whispered to Rosalie.

"Edward's girlfriend, it's sad really, what's a girl like her doing wasting her time with a dickhead like him?" She whispered back, shaking her head slightly.

Why was everyone speaking so horribly about Edward? To be frank, he wasn't always the friendliest person when we were younger. His bluntness and temper usually rubbed people the wrong way and I guess that hasn't changed.

Everyone took what looked like their regular seats. Carlisle sat at one of the narrow ends of the table and Esme the other. Emmett sat beside Carlisle and Rosalie was sitting beside him. On the other side of the table, Alice took a sit next to Esme, Tanya was next to Alice and there were only two more spaces left: one next to Rosalie and the other next to Tanya. I looked around nervously not knowing where to go.

"Bella?" An unfamiliar voice called. "Come sit next to me."

I looked at Tanya in surprise; I didn't even know she knew my name. She is really kind, I didn't even offer her a greeting and here she is asking me to sit next to her.

I walked round to her side and sat down.

Once everyone was served different conversations erupted from everyone. Esme scowled.

"Where are your manners?"

Everyone fell silent again and approximately ten seconds later, Alice and Emmett started talking again.

Esme rolled her eyes; a hint of a smile tugged her lips, threatening to ruin her facade.

"Sooo," Tanya started to say. "I'm Tanya, Edward's girlfriend, nice to meet you." She smiled softly.

I was taken back a bit, her friendliness was rare.

"Bella, Bella Swan."

"I know who you are; I have heard sooo much about you." I waited for her to mention something about Elle but it never came.

I felt myself relax a bit.

Soon she and I were chatting away like two old friends, of course she dominated the conversation, I just nodded and hmm in the right places.

I like her, I concluded.

Suddenly, something hard pelted my shoulder. I turned around in shock only to be faced with an expression so cold it could rival Antarctica.

I felt myself shrinking and the relax feeling I felt a while ago evaporated.

"Get out of my seat!"

* * *

**Happy belated new year! **

**Hehe, I'll just like to say sorry for taking soooooooooooooo long to update. I wish I had an excuse but I don't. I'm just really lazy but I'm trying to change that. I hope I haven't lost readers because of my laziness but if I have *sigh* I'm very sorry. **

**Sorry for the mistakes you may find, I didn't really check it out because if I did it would have taken me another 3-4 days just to do that, don't ask me why it will take that long; it just will. **

**I was going to add an extra bit from the next chapter but if I did that, laziness will take over and I won't finish till like Wednesday. I need help. **

**I promise to try and update early this time and I do mean it. I'll start the next chapter tomorrow.**

**Sorry for the errors you may witness and I hope my bad English does not put a dent on your good one, just tell me if you find any mistakes and I will fix it asap. **

**Good day. xx**


	10. Chapter 10

**...Elle...**

"Edward!" Esme yelled.

"Young man, you move away from her before I have to come there and drag you away." Carlisle said calmly, his voice was strong and commanding much more effective than if he was shouting.

I expected Edward to move but he didn't, his green eyes burnt with so much anger I started to squirm in the seat.

"Edward," Tanya shouted, shoving him forcefully and breaking his intense stare.

He glanced at me once more before storming out the room.

Oh God, I hope this isn't what I think it's about. No one can get that mad because someone else was sitting on their sit, can they?

Oh God.

"Sorry about that Bella, I have been trying to convince Mum and Dad that Edward has a bit of a mental issue but no-"

She was sharply cut off.

"Alice, be quite and I don't want to hear you saying things like that about your brother." She chided then turned to me. "Honey I am so sorry about that. I-I-I..." when I realised that she didn't know what to say I decided to help her.

"Esme it's alright, I would have gotten up I didn't mean to have ruin your dinner."

"Nonsense, **you** didn't ruin it darling."She gave a tight lipped smile and I noticed the emphasis on the 'you' and realised that after I leave the Cullen house a fight is probably going to break out between Esme and Edward if he's still in the house.

Everyone turned back to their plate to avoid making eye contact. This is not how I envisioned my reunion with Edward Cullen to go. I expected a stiff hello or a quick smile but nothing like what I received.

Apart from the occasional clanking from the cutleries, the rest of dinner was eaten in awkward silence.

After a while, Tanya and Esme exchanged a few looks before Tanya got up and excused herself from the table. It was painfully obvious that she was out to find Edward.

Emmett unsuccessfully tried to lighten the tension.

"Bella have you finished?" Alice asked, pushing her plate to one side.

I nodded eagerly, ready to grab any opportunity that will ensure that I get out of this situation.

"Good, can talk to you please?"

We both got up at the same time and due to my eagerness to escape the tension, I had completely forgotten to ask Esme and Carlisle if it was alright to leave.

Immediately I sat back mentally scowling myself.

"Esme, umm is it alright if Alice and I leave for a while?"

She smiled, "Sure darling, take your time."

Alice shook her head as we walked out the dining room.

"What?" I asked.

"Oh nothing," she replied coyly.

"Tell me what is it?"

"No nothing, you're just being your usual self, putting everyone's needs before your own."

"Well isn't that the right thing to always do?" I asked slightly curious by her last statement.

"I don't know. Just forget it; I don't even know what I'm talking about."

I decided not to push it; we ended up back in her room and sat on her bed.

"Bella, we're best friends right?" She asked quietly and instead of waiting for me to reply she continued. "Cuz, friends tell each other everything. I tell you everything and I guess I expect you to do the same. Do you trust me Bella?" She asked, her green eyes penetrating mine.

"Of course I do Alice, what...where...why are we having this conversation?" I asked her gently, taking her hands into mine.

"I could pretend to not notice the tension that has always hung around my brother and you but you know that's not me. I push and I probe until I find out what I need to know. I noticed the tension tonight, well everyone did." She paused and gave a short laugh. "I noticed the tension four years ago as well and I watched it magnify right before you left. Something happened between you two, you started ignoring Edward, well it's not like you two spoke much before but every time you two do make eye contact you both share a look a guilt, it's almost like you two committed a crime. Now I'm not going to force you to tell me what happened because that's up to you. Anyways I think I already know, just please trust me as your friend and if that doesn't work for you, then trust me like a sister. Hell we practically are sisters. Please just trust me."

My heart dropped right to the pit of my stomach and my eyes became glossy.

"Alice I do trust you, more than anyone else in the world. But with the childhood I had I find it so hard just to open up. I kept a lot of things to myself these past four years, the only person I spoke to was Elle, not that she understood what I was saying." I smiled, remember all those nights as she slept away in her cot with me whispering away, telling her about the life I left behind and the regrets I have. "Whatever you know please just keep it to yourself and make sure no one else finds out." I begged, holding onto her hands tighter.

She sighed, "Fine, I will but let me with the way Edward was acting I think he's onto something as well. Talk to him and you two work something out because Bella he is very angry."

My heart sank further, "You think he knows?"

"Edward is not exactly dumb, if I can work it out so can he. But Edward is very angry, has been for most his life, don't let his demeanour push you away from telling him the truth."

"Oh God," I cried and I let the tears fall.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**

"Don't worry dear, today has been lovely. I got to see your lovely face, didn't I?" Esme whispered as she hugged me fiercely and I hugged her back just as tight.

"Thank you Esme, please don't be too hard on Edward. I know the way he acted made him seem like the bad guy but if anyone is to blame, it's me."

She frowned, "Darling, what are you talking about? Don't put the guilt on yourself?"

"Esme, one day it will all make sense. Just remember my words and go easy on him."

I pulled out of her hug and left the kitchen and into the Cullen's foyer where Edward and Tanya stood, hugging.

Tanya was the first to notice my presence and she pulled away from Edward and gave a reassuring smile.

"You're still here." Edward spoke, his voice masculine and cold.

I blanched and Tanya slyly gave Edward the stink eye.

"Ignore him Bella, he's PMSing. Who's taking you home?" Tanya inquired.

"Umm, Emmett is but he's still upstairs. I'm just waiting for him."

"Umm, I need to go talk to Esme. I'll be right back." Tanya said.

I shot her a look of desperation, begging her not to leave me with him. He didn't even have to talk for anyone to notice he doesn't like me. His rigid body stance, his blazing eyes and the clenching and unclenching of his jaw gave it all away.

Tanya gave me a look that told me to relax but in this situation I find it very hard to relax.

"Edward, behave." Then she left, leaving Edward and I alone in the massive foyer.

I gulped and looked everywhere else in the room refusing to make eye contact.

I refuse to look at him.

_Come on Emmett, how long does it take you to get the key for your bike?_

I started chewing on my thumb nail, a habit I thought I had grown out of.

"What was her full name?" My head snapped round and although Edward and I were the only two here, the fact that he didn't shout made me think someone else had asked the question.

I looked at him, thumb still in my mouth, feeling very stupid.

"W-what?" I whispered foolishly.

"Did I stutter?"He snapped. "What was her goddamn name? I deserve to know that, don't you think?"

His words slashed my already wounded and bleeding heart and soon I found myself choking on tears.

"Elle Brigitte Swan, I couldn't really pick out any other middle name so I just stuck with that one."

Before he could respond, Emmett came whistling down the stairs and froze as he noticed my teary face and Edward's tense posture.

"What did you do to her?" Emmett sneered, his voice sounding extremely menacing.

"Stay out of it," Was Edward's simple reply.

"If you hurt her, I swear I will kill you." Emmett replied, looking at Edward with a murderous expression.

If Edward was scared, he showed no sign of it, in fact it didn't even seem like he had heard what Emmett has said. He eyes were locked on me.

He started walking towards me and although I knew he wasn't going to come near me, I still felt my body tense up and immediately I moved out the way.

He smirked and headed towards the direction Tanya had gone to.

Knowing this was my chance to say the words I knew I needed to say Edward, I pushed my fear aside even for just a second and forced out the words.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, low enough for Emmett not to hear but loud enough for Edward.

_I am so very sorry_.

* * *

**I did it! O.O**

**I updated early. LOL, I hope to try and keep this up but we'll see. Sorry for any mistakes you may find, for some reason I don't bother to read them over because if I do, it will cause a delay.**

**Please review if you like and if you can't be bothered force yourself to be. LOL.**

**See you next time.**


	11. Chapter 11

**...Elle...**

I lay in bed clutching the photo album that contained memories from Elle's life and I thought about how yesterday had turned out to be a complete disaster.

However, I couldn't help but feel a smidge of relief that I didn't have to hide or lie to anyone another, especially Edward.

When I think about that, another part of me washes away the relief I feel and I ask myself how Edward had figured it out. If Edward figured it out then does that mean his parents also know?

Things just didn't add up.

Esme and Carlisle can't possibly know they were too kind yesterday; I saw and felt no hostility or resentment. I didn't see pity in their eyes.

Did Alice tell Edward, then?

No she couldn't have, judging from the way she mocked her brother in front of me I don't think their relationship is that deep. Besides, yesterday she said she didn't say a thing to him.

When did Edward find out?

How long had he known for and if he's so passionate about having a daughter then why did he never try to contact me?

Suddenly, anger washed over me, taking over my mind. How dare he treat me like that! I was doing him a favour. What 14 year old boy would like to be a father? Just because he's all grown up now, he automatically feels like he would have been able to look after a baby back then.

I found it extremely difficult even with the help to Renee, Phil and Charlie.

How dare the hell did I let him speak to me like that and why the hell did I apologise to him, in fact it should be the other way round.

He didn't have to do the midnight feeds, change her dirty nappies, sacrifice his teenage life in order to keep her happy, he wasn't the one freaking out every time she wouldn't stop crying and he certainly wasn't the one holding her when she stopped moving, stopped breathing-stopped living.

I saved him from a ton of heart ache, ache that I have taken for the both of us and what do I get in return?

I get embarrassed in public, sneered at and made to feel like a fool.

Damn you Edward Cullen!

He didn't have the brain to ask how everything is, how everyone is coping, how I'm coping.

In his sick little head, he imagined himself to be the perfect father. The perfect father would have searched the whole of America just to find his child and fulfil every dream he had for him or her.

Did he do that?

Did he try to find us?

No!

He sat on his sorry behind with his perfect family and perfect girlfriend and he did nothing.

I have never even had a boyfriend, once they hear Elle's name, they all run off like the pathetic dogs they are.

He had the full experience, everything I have wanted to do. He got to throw teenage tantrums just about anything, I on the other hand, had to be cautious so I didn't upset Elle or say words that might get stuck in her head.

For the past four years, I have had rage boiling up inside me, getting ready to erupt like a damn volcano but because of my baby I had to keep it all in. But one day everything will explode, some will press my button a little too hard and my gut told me that person would be Edward.

So much I needed to say to him and I promise myself I will not go down like I did yesterday. I won't be the one apologizing, I can promise that and I certainly will not be the one that gets embarrassed in front of a crowd again.

Fuck you Edward Cullen!

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

Later that night, Renee came into my room and hesitantly sat on my bed. The way in which she looked at me made me feel like some kind of confused wild animal, ready to attack anyone in its path.

"What do you want?" I sneered.

Due to our last conversation, I could feel mine and Renee's relationship deteriorating and I couldn't find it in me to actually care even to try and fix things.

"Bella," She sighed. "Stop being so immature."

"Get out!" I spat.

"No," She replied quietly. "Frankly, I am sick and tired of your behavior. I am so tired of you making me seem like the bad person here, I am just trying to help you. Grow up and start living again. It's killing me to see you like this."

My head jerked up and I felt blood rushing to face, adrenaline pumped through my body and I was ready for a fight.

"I need to grow up? Renee fuck you!" I shouted, unable to keep my voice down. I rubbed my hands over my face, trying to stop it from shaking so much. The urge to hit her or throw something at her was becoming harder and harder to resist by the second. "If you're trying to wind me up well, you're doing a good job."

"Bella, I don't want to make to you angry and I am sorry that you and I keep butting heads right now, but I feel like when I say something you take it the wrong way and you just leash out on me." She paused and took a deep breath and then continued but her voice wasn't as strong as it was a minute ago. Her throat sounded tight and her words became shaky. "Because of this, I have agreed to go back to go back to Florida with Phil. He needs to go back to work and you and I need a break from each other. I feel like I have to go for us to be able to save the remaining pieces of our relationship. Honey I don't want to do this." She sighed and I heard her gulp once or twice.

I collapsed my face into my pillow and held the album that has been in my arms all day, tighter to my chest.

I tried counting to ten to keep my anger in check but it wasn't working. All I could think about was the fact that she was giving up. The fight gets a bit hard and what does she do, she gives up.

"Fine," I whispered roughly into my pillow. "Go, leave! That's what you're good at- picking a man over your own flesh and blood but you know what, I don't need you. I have never needed you!" I spat angrily but deep down, I knew it was a lie. I need her but I couldn't stop the words from flowing. "I don't even think you love me. You didn't think twice about taking me with you when you first left so why did you take me in when I was pregnant? Was it out of pity?" I finally stopped, I wasn't even making any sense but I'm hoping that everything I had just said was digging a hole in her heart. I wanted her to hurt, feel the pain I was feeling. If she's going to leave me, I might as well give her a gift. I might as well inflict some of the pain I was feeling unto her. I will not go through this alone; people are going to understand what I am going through.

"How did we here?" Renee said, tears shining in her eyes. "How did my daughter turn so cold? Bella come back, I want you back. I want my daughter back." I watched her close her eyes, forcing the tears from spilling. "Your words have really hurt me but I won't cry Bella. I won't cry. I won't give you the satisfaction you want. If you think by hurting others you'll feel better you are wrong. I love you Bella, I will always put you first but right now, you need help and if I'm going to be able to help you, I need to go away for while. I have a feeling that if we both take a break from each other, things will get better." She finally opened her eyes and as if by magic the tears were gone and in its replacement, her eyes were filled with hope and determination. "I will make our relationship work Bella; don't feel like I am giving up on you."

"Then don't leave me," I pleaded, I couldn't control my emotion, I wanted to stay mad at her but I couldn't. I don't want her to go as well.

"Honey, I will never leave you!" She said fiercely. "We just need to sort out ourselves first. You feel like I'm expecting too much from you and I feel like you're pushing me away. We are not going to get anywhere unless we understand each other." She moved closer to me on the bed but then decided to get in bed with me. She got under the cover and laid her head on top of mine.

"Honey, I know you're hurting right now but this is going to hurt us both even more if I do stay. I love you honey, I love you so much." She kissed the top of my head and I wrapped my arms around her waist.

"I'm sorry mom, I love you too."

"I really don't want to leave but if you ever need me, all you have to do is call and I'll be on the next flight here. You're my baby; I'll pick you over anyone." She kissed the top of my head again and started running her hand through my hair like she usually does.

"Mom?" I called timidly.

"Yes baby?"

"He's here."

She stopped stroking my hair and looked down at me in confusion. "Who's here?"

"Elle's dad, he's here." I don't know what possessed me to say this but I couldn't stop. Should I tell her it's Edward so she can go over there to attack him?

After yesterday, I would love to see him squirm.

"What?" Renee exclaimed, pulling my head back. "How long have you known this? Why didn't you tell me earlier? Who is he?" She started rushing out, not allowing me to get a word in. "Oh, when I get my hands on that kid I swear down, I will kill him. Where does he live, who the hell are his parents? I will kill that boy!"

"Mum," I said trying to calm her down but she wasn't hearing it.

"Bella, where does this kid live?" She yelled furiously and threw the duvet cover onto the floor in her haste to get out of bed. "Come on Bella, I'll kill this kid before I leave this town." She attempted to grab my hand but I jerked out of her grip.

"Renee!" I shouted. "Stop it, I am not telling you who he is!" Well I was going to a minute ago but now she's going too crazy.

"Bella you can't just say he's in the town and not expect me to try and find him! He deserves to know then I can kick his ass."

"Well there's no need for that Renee. I don't want tell you." I said softly, and went round the bed to pick up my duvet cover.

"I just don't get you Bella. I thought we have cleared the air just a tiny bit and I hoped you would trust me enough to tell me who he is but I guess not. Do you enjoy keeping me in the dark, I helped you raise Elle and I went four years without ever questioning you about who the father is and now you tell me he lives in this town but you won't tell me the rest. You frustrated me Bella! Why are you covering for this kid?" She yelled.

"I am not protecting him, I just..." I trailed off not knowing what to say.

"You just what? Hmm, what?" She yelled.

"Argghh, mom stop shouting at me, you're giving me a headache!"

"Oh yeah, now you understand how I feel all the fricken time!" She continued to yell.

"Look, let us just forget I brought up the topic." I said as I climbed back into bed.

"Fine but when I leave this room, I will knock on every door in this town until I find him." She spat angrily and headed for my door.

"Renee, God." I screamed in frustrating. "You don't even know who he is or what he looks like." I got out of the cover and ran to the door before she could open it. Something told me she was actually going to do what she just promised.

"I don't care; I need to know who my granddaughter's father is!" She attempted to push me out the way but I wasn't budging.

"Get out the way Isabella." She warned.

"No, I'll tell you when I am ready."

"Tell me now Bella, I'm your mother."

I was growing annoyed by the second and then something clicked in my head. I'm standing here defending Edward Cullen, the boy who humiliated me yesterday in front of his family.

Suddenly I felt stupid. I moved away from the door and opened it.

"Edward Cullen." I couldn't stop the smirk from rising on my lips.

Edward will not know what hit him.

* * *

**Hi everyone!**

**Sorry for another late update, school got in the way. We had a major maths test and I kinda cut down on my computer time and stuff cause I noticed that everyone was studying and I promised myself that if I failed I wouldn't go on trip that I really want to go to and luckily I passed. The after, I found out that I'm taking my Rs GCSE early O.o, I was like 'what the fuck', I thought they were just joking so now the test is in May so I'm trying to cramp my head with as much bible quotes as possible. So far I know 2. Yay!**

**Anyway, I'll promise that I will try and update on the 17****th****. Not too bad right?**

**Sorry for any mistakes, I'm in a rush my mum is rushing me off to bed. *roll eyes* I'm not four mum.**

**Good day/ night, whichever. :) **


	12. Chapter 12 part 1

**...Elle...**

**Part 1**

As Renee drove to the Cullen's house different emotions bombarded me and each time the realisation of what I had said hit me harder.

Guilt- _Edward is in deep shit. Esme and Carlisle- poor them; suddenly dragged into something they didn't even know about._

Anger-_Why should I feel sorry for Edward? He deserves this._

Shame- _Couldn't I have thought of a better way for everyone to find out instead of having Renee burst into their home? _

Anticipation filled my stomach as Renee roughly stopped the car in front of the Cullen's gate. She yanked her door open and started yelling into the intercom.

"Open the gate before I rip it open!" She yelled then walked to the tall gate and violently started shaking it but nothing happened, much to Renee's frustration. It stood tall and sturdy and not a rattle escaped it each time Renee tugged. She gave it one last tug before stomping back to the intercom.

"Open the fucking gate! I am in no mood Cullens!"

I cowered back in my seat as Renee's rage grew.

Suddenly the gates opens and instead of coming back to her side to drive the car through the gates, she came to mine, and roughly tried to get me out of the car, forgetting that I still had on my seat belt as I did not want to get hurt during Renee's road rage. The belt was digging into my chest each time Renee tried to pull me out.

"Stop!" I yelled then I shook off her grip and undid my belt.

I took a deep breath as I realised that as soon as I step out of the car, all hell is going to break loose.

What have I done?

Without warning, Renee grabbed my hand again and pulled me out the car, only this time she succeeded.

Dread plummeted through me with every step we took.

"Mom," I called. "Please wait, we don't have to do this." I tried reasoning with her, there is a small chance that it might work and you never know she might decide to just turn around and take us home. Right?

She stopped.

That's good I think. It means she's reconsidering...I think.

But she wouldn't look at me. I sighed.

During the ride here, she barely uttered a word; occasionally she banged her hands on the steering wheel, took sharp turns or muttered some things under her breath but that's all she did. It was like I wasn't even in the car. It was scary, I would rather have her call me all the names under the sun than her not even acknowledge me. The cold shoulder made the disappointment more prominent.

"Talk me, please."

She scoffed and started pacing circles around me. "I can barely even stand to look at you and you want me talk to you. What do you want me to talk about, huh? The weather, or how about we plan a trip down to Seattle and we can have a shopping spree there, wouldn't that be fun? That is what you want right- for us to talk, pretend like nothing happened?" She spat angrily. "What the hell were you thinking?" She exploded. "What was going through that head of yours?" She turned and looked me flat in the eyes, before taking her index finger and jabbing my temple with it. "What were you thinking, for God sake, having...s-s, I can't even say it." She grabbed my arm and we continued our long trek.

As we got closer to the door, Alice and Esme were standing there with frowns of confusion on their faces but as soon as Alice looked at me, I knew that she knew what was going to happen.

"Where is that boy of your?" Renee bellowed.

"Which one Renee, I have two remember, what have they done this time?" She said calmly which only fuelled Renee's anger.

"Are you joking around with me, Esme? I don't have time for this."

"Well neither do I, I do have things I could be doing as well. You come to my house and start shouting about my son when I have no idea which one you're talking about. With all due respect Renee, you're wasting time. Just please tell me what he broke or said and I'm sure we can work something out." I stared at Esme in shock, she wasn't exactly being rude but she wasn't exactly friendly either. She may be sweet but I remembered when we were younger, she didn't take any crap from anyone.

Renee blanched, clearly not expecting her to catch her off like that.

Renee was about to start speaking but Alice's desperate voice chimed in suspending the torture I would soon face.

"Why don't we take this inside, we can't have this conversation on the front door, right?" She gave a nervous laugh and her attempt to cool down the tension failed.

But Esme and Renee didn't seem to hear her, as they both were having a glaring competition.

"Mom," I whispered nudging her as she refused to move.

I saw Alice do the same then Esme removed the glare from her face but replaced it with a tight lipped smile.

"Where are my manners, why don't you come in Renee? Hello Bella, dear sorry I didn't have the chance to say hello." She moved out the way and watched as Renee and I both walked into the foyer.

I didn't reply to her, I could hardly even look at her.

"Happy now, we're inside that makes all the difference, right?" Renee said sarcastically. "Now, where is Edward?"

"Edward, what did he do?" Esme replying her face scrunching up in confusion.

Renee laughed, "Look at that look on your face. You know your son isn't perfect and soon you'll realise just how rough he is."

Esme closed her eyes and took a rough breath through her nose. "Just tell me what he did and not skipping around in circles."

"Where is he, he needs to be here. In fact where is your whole family? I want them to all be here."

"Mom," I whispered in surprise, why did she say that.

But she just ignored me.

"Renee, what did he do?" Esme yelled exasperated.

"Where is your whole family?"

"Well...Carlisle isn't going to be home till seven and I don't know what time Edward or Emmett will come back. Please Renee, for old time sake; just tell me what that boy has been up to."

"Don't worry; I intend to tell you all what he did to my daughter." Renee sneered.

Esme turned to me, "Bella, honey what did he do? Is this about the day you come here? I'm really sorry." Then she then back to Renee. "Is that what all this is about?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about Esme. What else did that boy do, Bella?"

"Nothing mom, he did nothing. It's nothing." I mumbled.

"The list just keeps growing doesn't it? I want you to stay away from that boy Bella. He's no good, do you understand me?" She spat tugging my arm painfully.

I nodded.

"Well we're just going to have to wait aren't we Bella. It's six, everyone should be here soon." And on cue, Edward and Emmett strolled in through the door, laughing at each other.

They stopped as soon as they noticed us. Emmett started smiling obviously not noticing the tension in the room. Edward on the other hand became stony faced.

"Yooo Bella. Mrs D!" He boomed and pulled me in for a hug. "Can't get enough of me right, you just have to come back for more." He wiggled his eyebrows as he released me.

When I didn't laugh, he finally looked around and he two, felt the massive tension.

"What's going on Bella?" He whispered into my ear.

"Nothing," I fibbed.

He gave a light nod before going to stand next to his brother.

Renee turned around and started throwing daggers at Edward who two, returned the look.

"You cold hearted son of a bitch!" She roared. "How can you live with yourself, do you even know? Do you even know the amount of heartache you caused my family and the damage you continue to bring?" She walked slowly, like a predator and stood in front of Edward. She was way shorter than Edward but her stance made her look powerful. She looked strong and obviously wasn't afraid of Edward, who looked like he could kill her. "Do you know?"

Esme stepped in, "Renee, what did he do? Edward what did you do?" She said desperately, the composer she had a while ago was starting to falter.

Edward looked lethal and when he started to speak you could barely see his mouth move but his words were low and scary. "Move away from me."

I could see his hands starting to shake and something told me he was close to hitting her. Panic wash through me. Did Renee not see that? He will hit her.

"Mom, please move back." I was close to tears, this is too much for me to handle. I can't stand it.

"What are you going to do, Edward? Are you going to hit me, go ahead and hit a woman! Al least then we'll know what you are, a stupid woman beater." Renee yelled sizing up to him and Edward's hands continued to shake violently.

"Don't tempt me." Edward raised his hand slightly as if to warn her and I'm sure Renee saw it too.

Was he actually going to hit her? Dread filled me again.

Alice, Esme and Emmett all started to yell for Edward to move back but Emmett's voice was the loudest.

"Dude, are you serious? What the fuck is wrong with you?" He yelled, grabbing hold of Edward's arms and locking them behind his back before dragging him away.

I watched as everyone breathed out a sigh of relief, even Renee. Would he have hit her? Oh God.

Shouting and crashing could be heard from the other room as Edward and Emmett struggled for dominance.

"Renee, please just tell me what he did, what is going on between you two?" She cried.

"Elle, just think of that," was all she said.

"Oh God," I exclaimed and covered my mouth to muffle the cry that was threatening to escape.

How could Renee do this, strip me down and leave me expose in front of Esme.

Fat tears started rolling down my face at an alarming speed and I couldn't stop the tiny sounds that escaped my mouth. My head started pounding, I felt sick and my whole body started shaking.

_I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this. _

"Bella? Are you alright?" Alice's voice rang but it sounded so far away. "Mom she doesn't look too good." She wrapped her arms around me when my legs started buckling. "Oh God Bella, don't. What's wrong, talk to me, please. Mom I think she's going to pass out!" She sobbed.

"Alice, I don't feel too good." I rasped, whilst clamping my hand to my mouth again as the urge to vomit mounted.

"Mom, she's not feeling too good." She echoed my words.

"Bella?" Renee called. "What's wrong darling?"I could feel her as she tried to move Alice away from me to take her place but Alice wasn't budging and I wasn't going to allow her to stand next to me. Not right now, sick or not.

"Bella, honey, come sit down here, okay? You'll feel better, I promise." Esme intervened and slowly with Alice's help they had me sitting on the nearest sofa.

Esme rubbed soothing circles on my hair and soon the nausea was starting to fade, my body stopped shaking but my head continued to pound.

"Renee, can I talk to upstairs please, in private." Esme didn't wait for Renee to answer she just made her way up the spiral stairs.

Renee didn't go right away; she came and kneeled down in front of me. "Bella, are you okay?" She attempted to touch my knees but I brushed her hands away.

"Just go to Esme then we can get this over with." I grumbled.

I watched as she left then Alice came and took her place only this time when she touched me I didn't repel. She grabbed my hands into hers and held it tightly.

"God, Bella! You scared me there a minute ago, I thought something was happening to you and dad isn't here yet and the only one who would actually know what to do in that situation is Edward and I don't think he's ready to help anyone right now. I so sorry, I should have tried to stop this from happening but..." She took a breath before attempting to carry on but I stopped her.

"Alice, just stop for a minute and think this through properly. How is any of this your fault? There's nothing you could have done. Let's just watch what will happen." I sighed as I could only imagine what will happen later tonight.

Hopefully Esme and Renee don't murder each other.

I pray Edward will keep his cool and not attack anyone because after what he displayed a while ago I don't know how he's going to react.

And if luck is on my side, I shouldn't faint or throw up; hopefully I should be able to keep myself from doing anything embarrassing.

A lot could go wrong tonight, if we don't get lucky someone is sure to earn a bed in the ER.

"Alice, you don't think anyone is gonna hurt each other right?" I asked timidly as different images of everyone landing the hospital flowed through my head.

"No, of course not!" She said automatically but then when she saw my face she sighed and started again. "I'm going to be honest here and tell you not to get your hopes too high. Edward has this temper that just gets out of hand sometimes but he has never hurt anyone except himself so... maybe. I don't really know. Just get yourself away from him and make sure Renee doesn't get too close like she did before. Dear God; was he really going to hit her?" He eyes widened in shock as the event before played in her head. "Sometimes I feel like I don't know who Edward is." She finished off with another sigh.

"Join the club, Renee...I don't get her some times. She could be my best friend one minute: all caring and understanding then in a blink of an eye, she could be my worst enemy. I don't really know her. She's like some dice- you never know what side you're gonna get. And that sucks." I thought of all the times when we sat down and just hung out and others when it seemed like she enjoyed belittling me. "When Elle was born, everything seemed perfect, well as perfect as things could be in that situation. I was adamant to be a good mother to my daughter but then every time I tried to hold her whenever she cried or change her, feed her, Renee would push me away. She would tell me I needed to rest and for a while I was happy, you see I thought she was helping but then one day she decided to contact their lawyer and have Elle written as her daughter. We had a big row that day, she called me a silly little girl and said '_you couldn't even keep your legs closed and you think I'm going to let you look after this baby, you're mad.'_" I remember that day clearly, the day that Renee first belittled me in front of my daughter, who was sleeping in her arms. "She almost got my daughter, took a lot of persuasion from Phil and lots of shouting from Charlie but she relented. And I tried to forget that day, but things like that never stopped coming. She always saw me as a kid, hovering around me when I held Elle; she would cringe every time I touched my daughter because in her eyes I couldn't do it right and she still hasn't stopped." I gulped back down the lump that gathered in my throat. "I don't know what I did to her; I just wanted to be a mom."

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

Everyone sat on the edge of their seats, the day has slowly gone by and soon everyone was here.

Carlisle sat with Esme who had her hands tucked in Carlisle's. Emmett and Alice sat beside me, each holding one of my hands and Edward and Renee stood in different corners of the room, glaring at each other.

"Bella, what's going on?" Carlisle asked breaking the silence.

I looked at Renee and silently begged her not to make me do this but her face turned neutral, she wasn't offering any support.

"I'm so sorry Carlisle, Esme. I'm so sorry, I don't mean to course anyone of you grief especially you Edward." I took a cautious glance at him and when he met my gaze, his lips snarled with rage. I looked back down quickly. "I...ummm...Elle...I don't know what to say." I looked between Alice and Renee in desperation as tears fell and hoped one of them would help me. "Alice, help me," I swallowed thickly and wiped away tears that rolled on my lips.

She shook her head and I watched as her face contorted in pain and she squeezed her eyes shut. "I can't Bella."

A small cry escaped my lips.

"Oh for the love God!" Renee yelled, her voice startled me and I flinched into the sofa. "You sure do love your theatrics don't you Bella!" She sneered and walked to the centre of the room. "If you can't do it, I'll do it. Your son," She pointed at Edward, "my daughter," then she pointed at me and loudly clapped her hands together creating a loud smack. "That boy of your forced my daughter in bed with him and got her pregnant. Poor girl didn't even stand a chance, he got her pregnant and while he lived his life, she was stuck with the evidence of that night. Elle is your granddaughter, your niece and YOUR daughter."

By the time she had finish the room was in utter silence.

Why did she try and make it seem like Edward forced himself onto me? I didn't tell her that.

"WHAT!" Edward roared as he clenched his fists. "That's fucked up; I didn't force myself on her. Don't make me seem like some fucking rapist. What kind of bullshit are you feeding her?" He glared at me and his voice echoed through the whole house.

My heart was beating so fast I thought I was going to have a cardiac arrest, my palms were sweaty, and I couldn't feel my tongue, it was numb.

I tried to get the words out, tell him I didn't know where she got the information from but no words came out.

A horrify gasp came from Esme, who was staring into space, her eyes gleaming with tears. "My granddaughter, Elle...my granddaughter. Nana? Granny?" She repeated the words over and over again as if testing them out.

More tears fell from my eyes as I watched Esme. I killed her opportunity, the opportunity for her to know her grandchild.

"When did it happen bro?" Emmett whispered not look up at anyone. It didn't take a genius to work out, that he too was crying.

"A long time ago, man." Was Edward's reply.

Again, Esme lets out another gasp, this one bigger than the first and clamped her hand over her and closed her eyes as the tears dropped. "You were...y-you...kids. You were kids!" She exclaimed as look disgust took over her face. "YOU WERE KIDS!" She screamed, got up the sofa and launched herself at Edward. "SHE MUST HAVE BEING NOTHING SHORTER THAN 12! YOU'RE AN ANIMAL!" She yelled as she punched his chest repeatedly but Edward just stood there, unmoving.

Emmett rushed off the seat as well and easily pulled Esme away from Edward.

"Emmett, let me GO!" She screamed, kicking her legs and arms about, nothing like the usually composed Esme Cullen.

He obeyed his mother and set her back on the ground.

She looked Edward in the eyes and fascination took over her face as she slowly turned her head from left to right. "No, he's not there. My Edward is gone. He went long time ago and now I want him back. Bring back my son, you monster!" She lets out a roar of frustration before running out the room.

* * *

**Hi guys!**

**I know this update is late but a lot happened. Blahblahblah. And I'm sorry. I'll start the next chapter like right now and have it out like in a week or 2 or 3. :D**

**I'm soooo sorry for the late update.**

**Sorry for any mistakes found.**

**Please review even if I don't really deserve it. :(**


	13. Chapter 13 part 2

**...Elle...**

"_Bring back my son, you monster!"_

"_Bring my son back, you monster!"_

"_Bring my son back, you monster!"_

"_Bring me son back, you monster!"_

Her words rang continuous in my ears and even though it had been a couple of minutes since she left, in my head I could still hear her loud and clear. Watching Esme lose her cool, watching her attack her own son made me realise that I was going to tear this family apart.

I looked around the room and watched the destruction I had caused. Alice was on the far end of the sofa, with her hands covering her eyes. Emmett stood again the wall and scratched his face a few times and the expression in his eyes told me he would rather not be here. I don't blame him- I don't even want to be here. My vision was blurred with tears when I finally turned to look at Carlisle who looked as though he had aged ten years in the past few minutes. I watched him sigh and roughly rubbed his hands into his scalp.

"What do we do now? What do you want us to do?" He whispered his voice sounded rough and tight and it was evident that he was holding back extreme emotions. He sounded tired, lost and a huge amount of guilt waded over me as I realised I caused all this. Why did I come back to Forks?

Why did I have to bring everything back, everything was buried deep down with no way of ever being exposed. Wasn't the whole point of me leaving to avoid this- this confrontation, breaking everyone apart? Why didn't I just bury my baby in the environment she was comfortable in?

Does she hate it here; does she hate me for bringing her here? Does she hate me for keeping half of her family away from her?

Dear God, I hope she doesn't.

My heart started pounding as my brain ran freely, bombarding me with all my fears.

"Carlisle...I-I...you don't have to do anything-you don't need to do anything. I won't force you into anything you aren't interested in"' I paused, sniffed and looked around the room trying to catch someone's attention to prove my sincerity but no one would look at me. "I don't want any of you to think you have to support me because you don't. But I just thought since...you know she gone, you deserve to know. Unless you have some kind of power that will bring her back then you don't have to do anything. I don't want anyone to feel like they owe us. I just want to apologize, because I realise now, my decisions were stupid. I decided for all of you and look where we are now."

My daughter is dead and half her family properly hate me. I wish there was a way for me to go back and change things, I wish someone could tell me they have a way to bring back my story. I want her back so that I can correct all the wrongs I made with her, show her every day that I love her and I cherish her. Did I ever take Elle for granted? Did I ever ignore her just to watch a bit of television? Did I ever shout at her for stupid reasons like her wasting my lip gloss? Yes I did and now I wish I could rewind and shower her with all the love in my heart, show her that I love her so much. I still have so much love to give her, my heart is so full it feels like it's going to burst open.

Did I give her enough loving? Did I show her that I loved her enough?

I don't know and I'll never know.

I heard Renee scoff and I sigh heavily. Whatever she has to say won't be pretty.

"They deserve to know, yeah I get that. Sweet 'n' all but come on Bella; open your eyes for Christ sake. All those years-all that money spent on medicines, clothes, formulas, baby shampoos and every other thing. Don't you think they should pull their weight and step up. They skipped out on four years, the least they could do is compensate up." She crossed her arms over her chest and glared her Carlisle. "We aren't satisfied."

I gaped at her unable to form words.

"All right Renee, whatever you want. The ball is in your court. We'll support Bella and you for as long as you need." Carlisle said, sitting up now and looking more in control. I gaped at him two in shock. They were trying to fix this with money.

"I-I don't want money...I j-just want everyone to know truth," I whispered, my voice shaking and I doubt they understood what I said. "I want Elle to be proud of me- I want her to forgive me for keeping you away from her. I just want a little bit a peace, I know it's selfish but I do." I sniffed, paused, and wiped my face free of tears that fell, and then continued, "All those years knowing that her father was out not knowing he had a daughter, the guilt is so overwhelming. Knowing I robbed him of all her milestone hurts and I'll have to live with that for as long as I live-I understand that but I don't want money. I don't need the money." I braved up and looked at Edward who was tugging so hard on his scalp it looked as though he was trying to rip some hair out. I watched him for a moment and he seemed to be whispering to himself but his lips were moving so fast I couldn't understand what he was saying. Suddenly his head jerked up as though he could feel my glazing. I looked back down, my cheeks glowing red from embarrassment that once again he caught me staring at him.

Silence filled the room once again and it seemed that everyone was absorbed in their thoughts.

"What I want to know is why did you two do it?" Carlisle asked. "Edward why did you it, why did you force yourself onto her?" Carlisle asked and the look of disgust Esme had earlier now made its way onto Carlisle's face.

Edward let out a roar of frustration, "I didn't force myself onto her. Why won't anyone listen to me? Tell them Bella, your here to tell the truth, tell them I didn't force myself on you."

"Can you see what he's trying to? This is exactly what happened that day; he tricked her, cornered her and had his way with her. And he's about to do it again, Bella just tell the truth. You don't need to be intimidated by him." She came to me and tried to place her hand on my shoulder but I flinched away from her. I don't understand her, why she the one blowing this all over the place. I didn't tell her any of those things; she doesn't even know what happened that day.

"Bella," A new voice called and I looked up to see Alice's whose face was all red and blotchy. "Did Edward force himself on you?"

"OF COURSE I DIDN'T" Edward yelled, tightening his hands into fists.

His voice startled me and I jumped in my seat and tiny whimpers escaped my lips. There's so much pressure, I knew what to say but I just couldn't get my mouth to open and when I did try someone else just jumps in.

I focused my eyes back onto my lap as a familiar feeling started boiling in my stomach.

The feeling of nauseous I felt a while ago had slowly returned and I clamped my hands to my mouth willing the urge to vomit to go away.

"Bella do you feel sick again?" Alice asked and I nodded my head but instantly regretted that decision as it only strengthened the will to vomit.

I heard Carlisle instruct Emmett to go get soda pop from the kitchen which he did without hesitating. Carlisle came in front of me and placed his hands on my legs.

"Bella, just keep still, keep your mind clear and Emmett will be here soon." I listened to his words and tried to wheel my mind away from throwing up.

I hope I don't throw up; I don't need any more embarrassment to add to this day.

I heard Emmett's footsteps and Carlisle handed the drink to me.

"Here, this is going to calm down your stomach." I slowly sip the drink and immediately as it flows down, I started to feel better.

I mumble a thank you before gulping down the rest of my drink.

We still in silence again, only the friction from Alice's hand could be heard as she rubbed her hand up and down my back.

"Renee, may I please speak with you?" Carlisle asked Renee and both of them left together.

I peek up and look at Edward again who was quietly mumbling to himself like he did a while ago and before he could tell that I was looking at him again, I lower my head again.

Do I speak to him?

Does he want me to speak?

What do I say?

Before I could even make up my mind, Edward hastily leaves the room. My heart dropped as I watch his retrieving form and more tears roll down my eyes. Should I follow him? Would he want to listen?

I tried to get up, to chase him, take the opportunity to talk to him, but as I attempt to move Alice's hand gripped into my shoulders, preventing me from moving. I furrow my brows at her in confusion. What is she doing?

"Alice?" I whimpered as I stared at her hand locked onto my shoulder. "What are you doing, I need to go find him."

She slowly shook her head and removed her hand from my shoulder. "I'm sorry Bella but just leave him. Let him calm down. This is so confusing. I'm confused, everyone is confused; just give him a chance to cool down."

I nodded and placed my head onto Alice's shoulder. "Alice, do you hate me for causing all this?"

There was a long paused before she finally sighed but still she did not respond.

"I'm sorry Alice, I'm sorry for all this."

I have lost so much already, my daughter, the bond between my mother and my childhood- I begged that I don't lose Alice too. The fear of losing another person that I cared about was crippling. So I closed my eyes and prayed that this family should make it through all this because if they don't I would lose Alice too, and as selfish as I sound-I didn't want to.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

Renee and I drove home later that night, and the activities of the whole day clung onto my body and refusing to let go. My body fizzed just with the fact that I had to sit next to her. How could she do this, how could she make me feel like this?

And how do I feel?

Humiliated

Foolish

Embarrassed

I wanted to crawl under a rock and never be bothered. Is there a way to make this day never happen? Humiliation clung onto me like a second skin.

The ride back was almost as bad as the first ride, only this time, I was the angry one. How could Renee do that, and she said I'm over reacting. She made the whole thing worse than it needed to be.

Damn her!

Who does she think she is!

She stopped the car in front of Charlie's house and as I attempted to open the door it wouldn't budge. She had locked it.

The anger that had been boiling up jumped with glee as it finally had the opportunity to make itself known.

"WHAT! What do you want now?" I yelled. "Aren't you satisfied with the way things turned out, you went in there and...and..." I screamed, loudly, loud enough to wake anyone up for miles. Tears of anger burned in my eyes but I refuse to let them flow. "You went in there and made me look like...you made me look like a whore! How could you even ask for money from a family who didn't even know they had a grandchild? Renee, how could you stand there and try to take advantage of them. How could you try to take advantage of me- my situation?"

"Oh Bella, honey, How did we get here?" She cried softly, tears shining in her eyes too. "I was so angry, I couldn't think about anything else but the fact that boy...that boy got you pregnant and left you all on your own. And the fact that you didn't tell me who the father when Elle was born-I gave you so many chance to tell me and..." She paused, exhaled a shaky breath before continuing. "...I just felt...I don't know Bella. I was angry that it took four years for you to tell me. When we got there, I snapped and I just saw red."

Call me stupid but hearing my mother's words, my heart softened a little. If this was Elle in my position, I would do anything-stick pins into my eyes- just to make sure she heard me out and forgive me. How could I turn down my own mother when I am...was...a mother as well.

"But mom you overreacted, you made the whole thing worse by making Edward look like a rapist." I ran my hands through my head as the thought of having to go back the Cullens and admitting that Edward didn't rape me. Just thinking about it is mortifying, how will I be able to actually go back there. "He'll properly hate me even more."

Her eyes were hard as rock and her body stiff as a rod by the time I finished my sentence. "That boy," she spat, catching me off guard. "That boy deserves this, he caused all this and I will not allow you to cover for him...I-I don't understand why you are protecting him. Damn you make me so angry." She banged her hands repeatedly on the steering wheel and I cringed at her aggression. "I really don't understand you sometimes Bella, your actions, they make you vulnerable to manipulation. How can you support him...after everything?" She banged her hands once more, sighed as though the weight of the world was mounted onto her shoulders, before placing her head on the wheel.

I watched her for a moment unsure of how to approach her. The thing about my mother is that: she cares, she really does. She is extremely passionate but sometimes that passion becomes too strong and she starts offending the people she think she is supporting. Her mind and her vision becomes so hazy, she don't see how she is hurting people with her words.

Her words from early today rang in my head when she came in my room. We do need a break from one another, she needs to go and I need to sort out the mess that I had just been dug into by Renee. There was a lot I need to turn around here.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

Sleep didn't come easy that night; it didn't even come at all. I tossed and turned and cried and cried. The tears wouldn't stop falling. How had I managed to get into this situation? A few weeks ago I had a daughter, my life wasn't perfect but it was alright. How did it all turn sour? I watched my life as it turned bleak, I watched as my daughter slowly lost her life and I did nothing. Why Elle, why me? I loved my daughter, loved her as best as I could and all for what? I end up losing the one thing I cherish the most. When people say life isn't fair, I understand. I can relate.

When Renee and I entered Charlie's house, tears streaming down both our eyes, another version of hell broke loose. Seeing Charlie standing there with rage in his eyes, made my heart ache and more tears fell. I didn't have a close relationship with Charlie and we had only ever had a handful of conversations but just seeing him there-the relieved look in his eyes, when he looked at me, made me feel safe and secure. I was washed with this urge to just run up to him and hug him. My heart ached for my father and all that we had missed out on together.

I found myself running up the stairs worn out from the day. I crawled blindly into my bed, my head pounding from the headache due to all the crying, my nose blocked making it almost impossible to breathe as the tears rocked my body. I curled underneath my bed, submerging myself in the duvet, trying desperately hard to block out the sudden shouting from downstairs.

"_...we come back here and you two are gone. What the hell Renee, do you know how worried I was?"_ Charlie yelled.

"_Oh please, you worried. You aren't worried. I was out there doing our daughter a favour and you stand here saying you're worried. If you're so worried why didn't you call me?"_ Renee retorted.

"_I DID! Might do you some good to check you bloody phone."_

It was silent for a while down there; I felt my body release a gush of air I didn't even know I was holding. They aren't arguing anymore, that's good. Did that mean Renee isn't going to tell Charlie Edward is Elle's father?

"_WHAT?"_ Charlie roared echoed throughout house, instantly answering my unspoken question. _"That little son of a- Isabella! Why would-Isabella!" _It seemed that Charlie didn't know what to say. I cringed each time he alternated from cursing Edward to shouting my neck. I buried myself deeper under my duvet cover just in case Charlie decides to come in here. _"Why didn't you tell me Renee? When I get my hands on that kid! What was she thinking? EDWARD CULLEN!"_

"_Charlie, stop shouting. She might be able to hear us, I-"_

"_Let her hear!" Charlie yelled."That kid has been right under my nose all these years and I didn't even know!"_

_There was a lot of shuffling down there for a while._

"_NO! Put that down!" Renee yelled as I flinched."Phil, don't just stand there- stop him!" Her voice shook and it sounded as though she was close to tears._

"_Let go of me! That son of a bitch, I'll shot him!" He barked and it dawn on me that Charlie had grabbed his gun and was planning the murder of Edward Cullen. "That boy is DEAD! He a dead boy walking, let me go!" He sounded like a wild animal and if given the chance to escape, would cause serious damage. _

"_Do you seriously think this is what Bella needs?" Renee wailed, "Believe me Charlie; I would love to assist you in teaching that boy a lesson. Charlie, she just lost Elle, if you shoot that boy do you think she's ever going to forgive you? Put that gun down, Charlie I am begging you." From the way her voice was shaky I could tell she was fully crying now. The anguish in her voice was too much; the anger in Charlie's voice was too much-every emotion was too much for me to bare right this moment. _

_It went silent after that, completely silence and even though I was up here, hiding like a coward underneath my bed, I could still feel the tension radiating from downstairs._

_It dawned on me right that moment that Elle held this family together and now without her, we were all lost._

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

Charlie, Phil and Renee were all gone by the time I got out of bed.

My headache was still there more persistent than ever but I couldn't find it in me to care. I liked the ache; the banging-it soothed me. The pain was much easier to deal with than any other.

I turned my head right and on my side table was a sticky note from Renee.

_Hello Bella, Phil and I went to check on Elle's stone, we'll be back soon._

_Renee._

I stared bewilderedly at the yellow paper in my hands, unable to register what it said. So I read again and again and again and again. Slowly the words began to sink in.

I was pelted with the feeling of anger and jealously. I was angry at her, what made her think she could just go to my daughter's grave without even asking me. After the way she handled yesterday she didn't deserve to go near what remained of my daughter. I was jealous of her; would I ever be able to go to her grave? Would I ever be able to be one of those people who go change her flowers, talk to her, and tell her how my life is going? I don't think I will and the fact that she could go without any fears or guilt holding her back filled me with jealousy. I want to be near my daughter but I can't.

I'm sorry Elle.

A loud sob erupted from my mouth and I found myself clenching my heart as an indescribable wave crashed through. Oh Elle, I want you back so much. I want her in my arms, the ache I get in my arms returned and I needed to hold her again. It felt so soon but I was already starting to forget the smell of her hair, how soft it felt when I ran my hands through it. I was starting to forget how soft her skin was, what she sounded like when she laugh. It hadn't even been 3 months and I was already starting to forget little details that made up my daughter.

I was forgetting my daughter- I could feel the tears streaming down my face and I closed my eyes and willed myself to conjure up an image of my baby. I will not forget her, I must not forget her. She's my baby, how can I be forgetting her so quickly. Did she yearn for me like I yearned for her? Was she starting to forget me too?

The doorbell rang but I found I had no energy left in me. Elle was my source of energy, my little ray of sunshine and now she was gone. Instead I blocked out the knocking and continued to cry.

But the quite knocking became insistent, no willing to give up. With each bang it vibrated all the way to my brain rattling it a little making my headache more painful.

Wiping the tears from my eyes, I forced myself out of bed and walked downstairs.

I slowly pulled the door open, cringing and closing my eyes at the brightness.

"We need to talk!" No gentleness, no warmth. The voice was cold and unfriendly, the voice that belonged to Edward Cullen.

I was frozen for a few seconds but deep down I had to come to accept that this was going to happen. Soon or later, but I was just not prepared for it to be today.

Frowning slightly, I moved out the way and watched him enter the house.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

**Sorry I took so long to update, dunno why I did. :S **

**I didn't know what to write, I couldn't think. I really don't like this chapter; it feels fake but ooooooh well. Need to produce something.**

**I'll try my hardest to update soon and that's a promise, never again will I take this long. :D...that's if there's still anyone reading this. :( **

**Sorry for any silly mistakes you may encounter. xx**


	14. I'm still here!

Hi guys, sorry I have been gone for a year. I promise that through my hectic schedule that I will come up with something that is going to be great. I hate leaving a story hanging. Just bear with me guys. I've got a couple of course works and exams so i hope you can understand.

Merry Christmass!

Ayo


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